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The Water Cooler
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<blockquote data-quote="THAT Gurl" data-source="post: 4063548" data-attributes="member: 45551"><p>I have been told more than once by both men and women going through divorces (and it has been my limited experience also) that divorce, in general, is much tougher on men than it is women.</p><p></p><p>I have my own admittedly very slanted view on why this is true. My advice would be, if it looks like she really is determined to move on, that you find a non-self-destructive way to move on also. And the sooner the better.</p><p></p><p>Don't let her use your feelings for what you had or what may have been against you. And, this is gonna sound WAY worse than I mean for it to, but ... The second best thing you can do for yourself RIGHT NOW, after hiring a good divorce attorney, is sit down and make a list of housekeeping chores that need to be done. You know, all the stuff that just got magically done around the house (washing the dishes BEFORE the last one in the cabinet is dirty), changing the sheets on the bed every week, making the bed every morning when you get out of it, cleaning the bathroom (and yes, that means scrubbing the toilet inside and out and wiping down the adjacent walls if you are one of those guys who thinks it's unmanly to sit down to piss. If you stand you have splatter. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="🙄" title="🙄" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f644.png" /><img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="🙄" title="🙄" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f644.png" /><img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="🙄" title="🙄" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f644.png" />).</p><p></p><p>I know it sounds like I'm picking on you right now and it seems like I am saying she contributed more to keeping y'alls home up but that is not what I am saying. Just men and women have different priorities when it comes to making a house a home and I've seen more than one man fall into a horrible depression because their new place (or the old one if they were the ones who kept it) just isn't the same. One of the reasons it isn't the same is because you do not have that invisible fairy would made your home comfortable. </p><p></p><p>That is gonna fall on you now. It's a big change but trust me, you will be glad you started doing those things now, when you don't feel like it, than later, when you have no idea how things got so out of hand and how you are gonna fix it.</p><p></p><p>Again, I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. In a lot of ways a divorce is just like death. You are dealing with losing something (your marriage) and someone (your wife) that you believed would be the two constants in your life, for the rest of your life. </p><p></p><p>Don't beat yourself up over what went wrong. If she's willing to meet you halfway (cuz none of this is ALL your fault), great -- y'all might be able to fix it. If not, get up out of the ditch, pick the gravel outta your ass, hike up your pants and move on. (Advice an old, old cowboy gave me once when I found myself in a bad way and couldn't find comfort in anything but a bottle of whiskey. That pissy ******* saved me from becoming that drunk old woman in the bar everyone wonders what went so bad for that all she wants is the bottle.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="THAT Gurl, post: 4063548, member: 45551"] I have been told more than once by both men and women going through divorces (and it has been my limited experience also) that divorce, in general, is much tougher on men than it is women. I have my own admittedly very slanted view on why this is true. My advice would be, if it looks like she really is determined to move on, that you find a non-self-destructive way to move on also. And the sooner the better. Don't let her use your feelings for what you had or what may have been against you. And, this is gonna sound WAY worse than I mean for it to, but ... The second best thing you can do for yourself RIGHT NOW, after hiring a good divorce attorney, is sit down and make a list of housekeeping chores that need to be done. You know, all the stuff that just got magically done around the house (washing the dishes BEFORE the last one in the cabinet is dirty), changing the sheets on the bed every week, making the bed every morning when you get out of it, cleaning the bathroom (and yes, that means scrubbing the toilet inside and out and wiping down the adjacent walls if you are one of those guys who thinks it's unmanly to sit down to piss. If you stand you have splatter. 🙄🙄🙄). I know it sounds like I'm picking on you right now and it seems like I am saying she contributed more to keeping y'alls home up but that is not what I am saying. Just men and women have different priorities when it comes to making a house a home and I've seen more than one man fall into a horrible depression because their new place (or the old one if they were the ones who kept it) just isn't the same. One of the reasons it isn't the same is because you do not have that invisible fairy would made your home comfortable. That is gonna fall on you now. It's a big change but trust me, you will be glad you started doing those things now, when you don't feel like it, than later, when you have no idea how things got so out of hand and how you are gonna fix it. Again, I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. In a lot of ways a divorce is just like death. You are dealing with losing something (your marriage) and someone (your wife) that you believed would be the two constants in your life, for the rest of your life. Don't beat yourself up over what went wrong. If she's willing to meet you halfway (cuz none of this is ALL your fault), great -- y'all might be able to fix it. If not, get up out of the ditch, pick the gravel outta your ass, hike up your pants and move on. (Advice an old, old cowboy gave me once when I found myself in a bad way and couldn't find comfort in anything but a bottle of whiskey. That pissy ******* saved me from becoming that drunk old woman in the bar everyone wonders what went so bad for that all she wants is the bottle.) [/QUOTE]
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