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The Water Cooler
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Boring Marriage - Looking for suggestions
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<blockquote data-quote="nofearfactor" data-source="post: 1312264" data-attributes="member: 1535"><p>I think I know what shes going thru. Its hard leaving everything and every body to move somewhere new for women. Guys it isnt a big deal to make new friends or find things to do. I hope it all gets worked out and turns out better for you and her than it was for me in my 2nd marriage.</p><p></p><p>Me and my 2nd ex moved from my home state of California to Iowa in 99' for me to play in a band I had hooked up with that I had met in the small recording studio I worked at in San Francisco and so she could open her own business. We left all of our close friends and family back in Cali. Being a guy and a more sociable person it didnt take long for me to get new friends pretty quick to buddy up with in Des Moines but it has always taken my ex longer to find new friends because shes kind of an introvert. When we first met she had only been in the country a few years after having moved from Germany with her family so her father could be the CEO of a silicon valley company that had bought out his company in Germany. Her family was really close and there with her in Cali and she had only made close friends with a few of our fellow workers we worked with at a tattoo shop where we met at in San Jose. Then the band thing comes along and I move her to Iowa,along with the promise of buying her her own tattoo shop to work in there. I didnt realize that Iowa would be culture shock to her after having lived in San Francisco and Germany- it was pretty much desolate there with nothing to do and cornfields every where even though Des Moines is a mid sized city. But she had no friends or family with her,and outside of interacting with our shop employees, if she wasnt at the shop working then she was usually stuck at home most of the time with a 5 yr old kid. I didnt help much either by leaving her at home alot by herself with nothing to do. Most of the time I was gone playing gigs all around the mid and northern region in a popular band out making money, but I also did a bit too much socializing with my new friends when I was home too. I bought her a nice brand new home in a nice neighborhood,a new car she picked out her self,filled the house with alot of nice new stuff,etc. And then continued to be gone all of the time. When I was home I was usually out in my mancave/rehearsal,recording area/garage with my friends making music or socializing,on the computer,etc. I didnt see how much I was ignoring her and how lonely she had become in her strange new world. No matter how much stuff I bought her it wasnt going to make her happy or bring her family and friends any closer to her. All she had to socialize with was a 5 yr old kid. I think you can see where this is headed. Her parents eventually sold their stake in the company in Cali,moved out to Iowa and in with us along with her Oma,and then she moved me out to the garage. Later I just moved out and got an apartment. We went to counseling,but I wasnt willing to change my life. We eventually got a divorce. </p><p></p><p>The last 7 years Ive been living in Oklahoma with new wife #3 and the 2 stepchildren I adopted. I'm still playing in the band based in Des Moines, and me and my ex still own the tattoo shop together so we still work together,and we've actually stayed really close friends. Our daughter is 16 now. She is remarried to a guy who is home every night. So far we're all happy. I'm married to a busy Tulsa native who is in a professional career,busy in her church,has a ton of friends and family in the area,and she has a variety of activities keeping her mega busy. Shes almost never home so shes cool when I'm gone playing music or working in one of my small businesses or in Caifornia taking care of family rental property and a little house I have up north in the mountains,etcetc. But I learned my lesson I thought and quit the heavy socializing with my friends a few years ago so I could be at home more when I'm not gone working- and now I'm with someone who is never home. She Emails me her monthly calender from her office and its like mine used to be- Tuesday is about the only night shes home so we can all sit down to a meal together as the kids are teens now with activities of their own. WTF. Sweet. I went out and bought bigass TVs and sound systems,badboy computers,I get to putt around on my bike and in my 4x4,go to the gym,buy guns and go shoot em,etcetc. I never dreamed life could be so good.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nofearfactor, post: 1312264, member: 1535"] I think I know what shes going thru. Its hard leaving everything and every body to move somewhere new for women. Guys it isnt a big deal to make new friends or find things to do. I hope it all gets worked out and turns out better for you and her than it was for me in my 2nd marriage. Me and my 2nd ex moved from my home state of California to Iowa in 99' for me to play in a band I had hooked up with that I had met in the small recording studio I worked at in San Francisco and so she could open her own business. We left all of our close friends and family back in Cali. Being a guy and a more sociable person it didnt take long for me to get new friends pretty quick to buddy up with in Des Moines but it has always taken my ex longer to find new friends because shes kind of an introvert. When we first met she had only been in the country a few years after having moved from Germany with her family so her father could be the CEO of a silicon valley company that had bought out his company in Germany. Her family was really close and there with her in Cali and she had only made close friends with a few of our fellow workers we worked with at a tattoo shop where we met at in San Jose. Then the band thing comes along and I move her to Iowa,along with the promise of buying her her own tattoo shop to work in there. I didnt realize that Iowa would be culture shock to her after having lived in San Francisco and Germany- it was pretty much desolate there with nothing to do and cornfields every where even though Des Moines is a mid sized city. But she had no friends or family with her,and outside of interacting with our shop employees, if she wasnt at the shop working then she was usually stuck at home most of the time with a 5 yr old kid. I didnt help much either by leaving her at home alot by herself with nothing to do. Most of the time I was gone playing gigs all around the mid and northern region in a popular band out making money, but I also did a bit too much socializing with my new friends when I was home too. I bought her a nice brand new home in a nice neighborhood,a new car she picked out her self,filled the house with alot of nice new stuff,etc. And then continued to be gone all of the time. When I was home I was usually out in my mancave/rehearsal,recording area/garage with my friends making music or socializing,on the computer,etc. I didnt see how much I was ignoring her and how lonely she had become in her strange new world. No matter how much stuff I bought her it wasnt going to make her happy or bring her family and friends any closer to her. All she had to socialize with was a 5 yr old kid. I think you can see where this is headed. Her parents eventually sold their stake in the company in Cali,moved out to Iowa and in with us along with her Oma,and then she moved me out to the garage. Later I just moved out and got an apartment. We went to counseling,but I wasnt willing to change my life. We eventually got a divorce. The last 7 years Ive been living in Oklahoma with new wife #3 and the 2 stepchildren I adopted. I'm still playing in the band based in Des Moines, and me and my ex still own the tattoo shop together so we still work together,and we've actually stayed really close friends. Our daughter is 16 now. She is remarried to a guy who is home every night. So far we're all happy. I'm married to a busy Tulsa native who is in a professional career,busy in her church,has a ton of friends and family in the area,and she has a variety of activities keeping her mega busy. Shes almost never home so shes cool when I'm gone playing music or working in one of my small businesses or in Caifornia taking care of family rental property and a little house I have up north in the mountains,etcetc. But I learned my lesson I thought and quit the heavy socializing with my friends a few years ago so I could be at home more when I'm not gone working- and now I'm with someone who is never home. She Emails me her monthly calender from her office and its like mine used to be- Tuesday is about the only night shes home so we can all sit down to a meal together as the kids are teens now with activities of their own. WTF. Sweet. I went out and bought bigass TVs and sound systems,badboy computers,I get to putt around on my bike and in my 4x4,go to the gym,buy guns and go shoot em,etcetc. I never dreamed life could be so good. [/QUOTE]
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