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The Water Cooler
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Dating Single Moms
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<blockquote data-quote="Annie" data-source="post: 3022187" data-attributes="member: 42224"><p>Ok ... you've heard the good, the bad and the ugly. Here is why I didn't date for the longest time -- my time belonged to my kids. I didn't want to share them with anyone and I didn't want to spend time with anyone but them.</p><p></p><p>Once they started school, it was a little but different but not much. I started dating a guy who got along with my dad better than he got along with me. Probably because they were close to the same age. The kids told me when they were older (like high school age) that they thought Jack was like their P-paw. They didn't realize that he and I were dating. Lol Probably because he NEVER spent the night, and we never went anywhere without my kids. To be fair, "anywhere" was always some place Jack wanted to go. Like Clear Creek ... Probably why I loathe the lake so much now. Or up to my dad's to watch football. (My mom, dad, maternal grandparents lived on the same 5 acres. My brother had a single wide POS trailer he was "kind" enough to rent to me when my alcoholic husband up and left when the doctors thought I had cancer because, and I quote, "He didn't want to get stuck with the kids." Jack and I didn't have much in common, and he was basically an ass anyway, so we didn't last long. My parents were heartbroken. He was still coming over to see my dad regularly when the kids and I moved to OKC, so they didn't associate their relationship with him with me, if you get what I mean.</p><p></p><p>I only dated one other guy, kinda on and off, until the kids were in high school. Looking back I should have NEVER trusted him with my kids. Not that he was ever mean to them but he just wasn't "invested" if you know what I mean. He was quite a bit younger than me but his mom despised me -- and quite frankly, he was a Momma's boy. That probably had a lot to do with why we didn't get married because I really did love him and think that he loved me, just there was always that "Mom" drama in the background.</p><p></p><p>I said all that to say there is nothing wrong with dating a single mom as long as you understand that her child, if you are involved in his/her life AT ALL, that child WILL become attached to you.</p><p></p><p>My best advice, looking back, is that until the two of you are POSITIVE you want to be together long-term you NOT have regular contact with her child. Every once in a while (like maybe once a month or so) as "Mommy's friend" is one thing, several times a week or even a month, and taking responsibility for caring for said child in ANY capacity is quite another.</p><p></p><p>Trust me, if you guys DON'T work out for some reason, and that child is emotionally attached to you, it will break his/her heart ...</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you guys have a decent shot, if you can outwit her dumbass ex. Just be smarter than him and NEVER let him know he's gotten to you. EVER. That is your ace in the hole. Be straightforward about what YOU as a person will not put up with and NEVER lose your cool in front of him. The old man's ex- told me YEARS later that she had no idea how she didn't run me off because she and her mom and sister tried EVERYTHING they could think of and I never got rattled. I got rattled, all right, I just never let them see it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Annie, post: 3022187, member: 42224"] Ok ... you've heard the good, the bad and the ugly. Here is why I didn't date for the longest time -- my time belonged to my kids. I didn't want to share them with anyone and I didn't want to spend time with anyone but them. Once they started school, it was a little but different but not much. I started dating a guy who got along with my dad better than he got along with me. Probably because they were close to the same age. The kids told me when they were older (like high school age) that they thought Jack was like their P-paw. They didn't realize that he and I were dating. Lol Probably because he NEVER spent the night, and we never went anywhere without my kids. To be fair, "anywhere" was always some place Jack wanted to go. Like Clear Creek ... Probably why I loathe the lake so much now. Or up to my dad's to watch football. (My mom, dad, maternal grandparents lived on the same 5 acres. My brother had a single wide POS trailer he was "kind" enough to rent to me when my alcoholic husband up and left when the doctors thought I had cancer because, and I quote, "He didn't want to get stuck with the kids." Jack and I didn't have much in common, and he was basically an ass anyway, so we didn't last long. My parents were heartbroken. He was still coming over to see my dad regularly when the kids and I moved to OKC, so they didn't associate their relationship with him with me, if you get what I mean. I only dated one other guy, kinda on and off, until the kids were in high school. Looking back I should have NEVER trusted him with my kids. Not that he was ever mean to them but he just wasn't "invested" if you know what I mean. He was quite a bit younger than me but his mom despised me -- and quite frankly, he was a Momma's boy. That probably had a lot to do with why we didn't get married because I really did love him and think that he loved me, just there was always that "Mom" drama in the background. I said all that to say there is nothing wrong with dating a single mom as long as you understand that her child, if you are involved in his/her life AT ALL, that child WILL become attached to you. My best advice, looking back, is that until the two of you are POSITIVE you want to be together long-term you NOT have regular contact with her child. Every once in a while (like maybe once a month or so) as "Mommy's friend" is one thing, several times a week or even a month, and taking responsibility for caring for said child in ANY capacity is quite another. Trust me, if you guys DON'T work out for some reason, and that child is emotionally attached to you, it will break his/her heart ... It sounds like you guys have a decent shot, if you can outwit her dumbass ex. Just be smarter than him and NEVER let him know he's gotten to you. EVER. That is your ace in the hole. Be straightforward about what YOU as a person will not put up with and NEVER lose your cool in front of him. The old man's ex- told me YEARS later that she had no idea how she didn't run me off because she and her mom and sister tried EVERYTHING they could think of and I never got rattled. I got rattled, all right, I just never let them see it. [/QUOTE]
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