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<blockquote data-quote="Annie" data-source="post: 3035582" data-attributes="member: 42224"><p>You just said EVERYTHING I know in my heart and mind but didn't know how to get on paper. Because of my experience shooting pistol matches I was able to focus on the threat, NOT how to handle my gun -- i.e., struggle to get it upholstered, have my finger on the trigger BEFORE I was ready to shoot, not have to search for my sights, fiddle with my grip or my stance, and the bazillion other things that come to me naturally now that I struggled with before I shot matches. It is a WHOLE lot different to shoot around barricades, on the move, at targets partially obstructed, etc. than it is to shoot at a piece of paper 30 yards at the back of a lane in an indoor range.</p><p></p><p>I had the ability to focus on moving, talking targets and respond appropriately, and gauge mentally the point of no return for them and how far they were from that point, as opposed to just yanking my gun out and start firing, hoping I would hit something.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I have never been so scared in my life as I was those 2 times. Because in both of those instances I realized that I was NOT gonna let either of them get the opportunity to do to me some of the things I have experienced in the past -- or worse. Both times, after I was safe and sound, I puked my guts up. Because it makes me physically ill to think I am capable of taking another life, even if it is in self defense. I know in my heart of hearts I would second guess myself for the rest of my life. And I likely would feel guilty, too, even if it was a good shoot. Tough as I like to think I am, I am painfully aware that even the scummiest scumbag out there has family and friends that love and adores, and maybe even depend on him/her. It's the collateral damage I would have the most difficulty coming to terms with.</p><p></p><p>God forbid I ever have to squeeze my trigger off for anything other than fun and games. Amen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Annie, post: 3035582, member: 42224"] You just said EVERYTHING I know in my heart and mind but didn't know how to get on paper. Because of my experience shooting pistol matches I was able to focus on the threat, NOT how to handle my gun -- i.e., struggle to get it upholstered, have my finger on the trigger BEFORE I was ready to shoot, not have to search for my sights, fiddle with my grip or my stance, and the bazillion other things that come to me naturally now that I struggled with before I shot matches. It is a WHOLE lot different to shoot around barricades, on the move, at targets partially obstructed, etc. than it is to shoot at a piece of paper 30 yards at the back of a lane in an indoor range. I had the ability to focus on moving, talking targets and respond appropriately, and gauge mentally the point of no return for them and how far they were from that point, as opposed to just yanking my gun out and start firing, hoping I would hit something. Honestly, I have never been so scared in my life as I was those 2 times. Because in both of those instances I realized that I was NOT gonna let either of them get the opportunity to do to me some of the things I have experienced in the past -- or worse. Both times, after I was safe and sound, I puked my guts up. Because it makes me physically ill to think I am capable of taking another life, even if it is in self defense. I know in my heart of hearts I would second guess myself for the rest of my life. And I likely would feel guilty, too, even if it was a good shoot. Tough as I like to think I am, I am painfully aware that even the scummiest scumbag out there has family and friends that love and adores, and maybe even depend on him/her. It's the collateral damage I would have the most difficulty coming to terms with. God forbid I ever have to squeeze my trigger off for anything other than fun and games. Amen. [/QUOTE]
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