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Jokes in really, REALLY bad taste ...

Discussion in 'Stupid Stuff' started by Annie, Sep 1, 2017.

  1. CHenry

    CHenry Sharpshooter

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    A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
    The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
     
    Hodrod, D.M., Swingwing and 4 others like this.
  2. RickN

    RickN Sharpshooter

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    While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in very seductive voice,
    "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
    "No," said her husband.
    She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse,
    and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push up bra,
    and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
    He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
    She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
    "Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
    She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her panties......
    and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
    He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
    "Now," she said, "have you ever seen Fifty Thousand Dollars all crumpled up?"
    He said, "No!," trying to contain his excitement.
    She said, "Check the garage."
     
  3. JD8

    JD8 Sharpshooter

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  4. RugersGR8

    RugersGR8 Sharpshooter

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    Sted-E Ed-E likes this.
  5. RugersGR8

    RugersGR8 Sharpshooter

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    upload_2021-5-1_17-52-33.png
     
    RickN and rswink like this.
  6. CHenry

    CHenry Sharpshooter

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  7. RickN

    RickN Sharpshooter

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  8. RickN

    RickN Sharpshooter

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    As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's Cemetery out near Lindale. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. Everyone that knows me knows I can be directionally challenged AND my navigation lost its signal.

    I hate Sprint!!

    Anyway, I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the guys for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunch and began to gather around. I sang my heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends.

    As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the spirit began to move and the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I prayed a benediction and started for my car, my head hung low but my heart so FULL.

    As I opened the door to my car, I overheard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

    Apparently, I was still lost [​IMG]….

    (Author unknown)


    Septic tank.jpg
     
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