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Message: <blockquote data-quote="nofearfactor" data-source="post: 2720769" data-attributes="member: 1535">Where I grew up at in San Diego CA there were a mix of peoples in our neighborhood: whites, blacks, Mexican-Americans, Asians,etc all with the common denominator being we were all working class or lower. I heard all kinds of stuff in those days spewing out of everybodys mouths. I hung out with blacks and latinos and Asians and I heard so much racist stuff in their own communities against each other besides what they said about us that it would confuse anybody. Everybody talked shite to each other and about themselves, but there wasnt any hate to it. Ive never feared for my safety any where Ive been just because I was white, or mixed, whatever I am. Ive always been a big kid spending alot of time lifting weights and boxing with my black and Mexican buddies and while Ive always gotten alot of teasing from them it has never gotten out of hand, I have never experienced any hatred because of my skin around blacks and latinos back in California, north and south.When I would go to Oklahoma to visit grandparents and visit where my parents were born and raised I got to experience a different kind of racism though. My mother was born native living on what used to be considered our tribes reservation and still lives there on her familys allottment, same as her parents did. My grandfather was an original allottee on his tribes roll full blood indian and my grandmother was half indian and half French/Anglo. I remember lots of stories told to me by my gramma, one of which I will never forget about an uncle who while running for chief once fed all the white people dogfood mixed in with chili. My grandfather was one of the indians in the late 1800s early 1900s sent off to boarding school for indians at Chilocco. He apparently never liked white people much after that he just did what he had to do to get along with them. Ive heard stories about how much he hated my father when my mom brought him home for them to meet him. All because he was white. My father had dark hair but he for sure was a white boy. My grandfather wouldnt even eat facing him at the dinner table, he would turn his back so he didnt have to look at my father. They wanted her to marry indian. She did but it was her 2nd marriage and by then my grampa had passed away. He reportedly was disappointed when he saw me for the first time after I was born saying "  well gd, thats a white baby" as I wasnt born dark haired and dark skinned like my older sisters and brother, I was light skinned, lighter than everybody else in the family. My mothers kids with my indian stepfather are all dark, brown eyed and brown skinned also.Weird as science is my birth father being full on Scot-Irish meant someone was gonna win the racial lottery and be born light haired and blue eyed- out of all the kids in our house, bingo, Im the one who got the blonde hair and blue eyes and light skin. My 3/8ths indian is in there some where. Living in California when we went to the indian health center I looked like alot of the mixed breed California bred indian kids out there and I fit right in. But in Oklahoma when we went to the indian health clinic I was usually the lightest indian kid in the house. Playing with my dark skinned siblings and cousins when I was young I always was the cowboy when playing cowboys vs indians. The dead cowboy, I died alot of deaths at the hands of those evil indians. My sibs when we went to the beach in CA all just got darker and darker in the sun while I get a tanned like sunburn. When we went to indian cultural functions I was the always the one who stuck out the most even though I was usually more indian by blood than some of the darker looking kids. Didnt matter, I heard it all from them, mostly about how I didnt belong there, how I was too white looking to be an indian, plus I heard the more racist names called to me usually in our tribes native language, I knew em all, it didnt matter what my CDIB said, I was white to them. Back then I didnt want to be white, I wanted to be a darker. Not because I was embarrassed to be white but because I wanted to look like everyone else in my family, it just wasnt going to happen tho.I learned to just go with it and live mixed. Now today there are tons of light skinned indians running around as well as light skinned blacks, latinos, etc. On most official forms I have always checked caucasion AND native/indian. I identify as mixed and thats what I am. My kids are all kinds of mixed up: 2 of my girls are dark brown skinned brown eyed like their mothers who are both indian and brunettes, another daughter is blonde and blue eyed like me and her mother who is also blonde and indian mixed, and then my youngest is a son I had with a woman who is a light skinned mixed half African-American half white making my son dark haired with hazel eyes but light skinned like me.Imagine someone being born white with all of the prestige that having white skin supposedly brings a person, and they would rather have been born a different color.</blockquote>

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