This would be funny, if it wasn't the truth. 
LOL
Oh a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
and one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share
he fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
and he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
CHORUS
ring ding diddle dliddle add E O
ring ding diddily I Oh
(repeat last line of verse)
Well about that time two young and lovely lassies passed him by
and one looked to the other with a twinkle in her eye
"Do you see yon sleepin' Scotsman so strong and handsome built?
Well I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt"
They crept up to the sleepin' Scotsman quiet as could be
they lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
and there behold for them to view beneath the Scotsman's skirt
there was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Well they marvelled for a moment and one said "we must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied up in a bow
about the bonny part the Scotsman's kilt had lift and shown
Well the Scotsman woke to Nature's call and stumbled toward the trees
he lifted up his kilt and then he gawks at what he sees
and in the voice of wonderment at what's before his eyes
"Akk lad I don't know where you've been but I see you've won first prize"
Our Scottish friend still clad in kilt continued down the street
He hadn't gone 10 yards or more
when a girl he chanced to meet
She said, I've heard what's under there,
Please tell me if it's so.
He said, Why don't you reach right up,
And give yourself a go?
She stuck her hand right up his kilt
And Great was her surprise.
She looked up at the Scotsman
He had twinkles in his eyes
She cried, Why Sir that's gruesome!
And then she heard him roar
He said, If you reach up once again
You'll find it's grew some more!
The Scotsman's Hands were numb with drink
His head was spinning round.
He couldn't get that ribbon off
So homeward he was bound
His wife she caught a flash of blue
As he took off his clothes
And it piqued her curiosity
as you might well suppose.
Well the she asked that Scotsman
Where he'd been and what he'd done
He said there was a contest at the pub
And that he'd won
She cried, You did not show that thing
In front of all those men?
I did not show it all my love
But just enough to win.
and one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share
he fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
and he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
CHORUS
ring ding diddle dliddle add E O
ring ding diddily I Oh
(repeat last line of verse)
Well about that time two young and lovely lassies passed him by
and one looked to the other with a twinkle in her eye
"Do you see yon sleepin' Scotsman so strong and handsome built?
Well I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt"
They crept up to the sleepin' Scotsman quiet as could be
they lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
and there behold for them to view beneath the Scotsman's skirt
there was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Well they marvelled for a moment and one said "we must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied up in a bow
about the bonny part the Scotsman's kilt had lift and shown
Well the Scotsman woke to Nature's call and stumbled toward the trees
he lifted up his kilt and then he gawks at what he sees
and in the voice of wonderment at what's before his eyes
"Akk lad I don't know where you've been but I see you've won first prize"
Our Scottish friend still clad in kilt continued down the street
He hadn't gone 10 yards or more
when a girl he chanced to meet
She said, I've heard what's under there,
Please tell me if it's so.
He said, Why don't you reach right up,
And give yourself a go?
She stuck her hand right up his kilt
And Great was her surprise.
She looked up at the Scotsman
He had twinkles in his eyes
She cried, Why Sir that's gruesome!
And then she heard him roar
He said, If you reach up once again
You'll find it's grew some more!
The Scotsman's Hands were numb with drink
His head was spinning round.
He couldn't get that ribbon off
So homeward he was bound
His wife she caught a flash of blue
As he took off his clothes
And it piqued her curiosity
as you might well suppose.
Well the she asked that Scotsman
Where he'd been and what he'd done
He said there was a contest at the pub
And that he'd won
She cried, You did not show that thing
In front of all those men?
I did not show it all my love
But just enough to win.
Kind of like two guys standing on a bridge and "going" over the railing...
...first guy says, "Dang, that water's cold."
Second guy says, "Yeah, and deep, too."
...first guy says, "Dang, that water's cold."
Second guy says, "Yeah, and deep, too."
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