ACTUAL CRAIG'S
LIST AD
AN ACTUAL
CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To
the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night before last.
Date:
2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was
the guy wearing the blackBurberry
jacket that you demanded that I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also
asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this
rather important message.
First, I'd like to
apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't
expect you to actually crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the
jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just
bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ...45 ACP
pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head
... isn't it?!
I know it probably
wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come
from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm
sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since
I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and
wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling
or running to your buddies to come help mug us
again].
After I called
your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in
your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my
gas tank as well as those of four other people
in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The
guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and
was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes
to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's,
along with all the cash in your wallet. [That
made his day!]
I then threw your
wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was
parked at the curb ... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire
driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a
bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I
only used the phone for a little over a day now,
so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I
managed to get in two threatening phone
calls to the DA's office and one to
the FBI, while mentioning President Obama
as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed
really intense and we had a nice long chat (I
guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not
killing you ... but I feel this type of
retribution is a far more appropriate punishment
for your threatened crime. I wish you well as
you try to sort through some of these rather
immediate pressing issues, and can only hope
that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,
and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've
chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time
you might not be so lucky. Have a
good day!
Thoughtfully
yours,
Alex
P.S.
Remember this motto ... An armed society makes
for a more civil society!
LIST AD
AN ACTUAL
CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To
the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night before last.
Date:
2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was
the guy wearing the blackBurberry
jacket that you demanded that I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also
asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this
rather important message.
First, I'd like to
apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't
expect you to actually crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the
jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just
bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ...45 ACP
pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head
... isn't it?!
I know it probably
wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come
from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm
sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since
I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and
wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling
or running to your buddies to come help mug us
again].
After I called
your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in
your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my
gas tank as well as those of four other people
in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The
guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and
was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes
to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's,
along with all the cash in your wallet. [That
made his day!]
I then threw your
wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was
parked at the curb ... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire
driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a
bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I
only used the phone for a little over a day now,
so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I
managed to get in two threatening phone
calls to the DA's office and one to
the FBI, while mentioning President Obama
as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed
really intense and we had a nice long chat (I
guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not
killing you ... but I feel this type of
retribution is a far more appropriate punishment
for your threatened crime. I wish you well as
you try to sort through some of these rather
immediate pressing issues, and can only hope
that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,
and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've
chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time
you might not be so lucky. Have a
good day!
Thoughtfully
yours,
Alex
P.S.
Remember this motto ... An armed society makes
for a more civil society!
