Lawyer joke

[DA 20]

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?


A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer — do you have a locker room in the police station — a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

 

[grizzly97]

 

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

It was so cold the other day, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!

 

[cichlid-dave]

Hahaha

 

[RT66]

Nice one

 

[Glock 'em down]

You know what you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.


You know what you call a busload of lawyers going of a cliff with one empty seat?

A crying shame.


When a lawyer dies do you know why they bury them 10 feet under instead of 6 feet under?

Because deep down they're really good people.

 

[SoonerP226]

The thing about lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, and the rest of us realize they're not jokes...

How is a sperm like a lawyer?
They both have about a one in a million chance of becoming human.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.

 

[Glock 'em down]

Three surgeons were having coffee one morning just before doing major surgeries.

The first surgeon says, "I've got an easy one today. I've gotta do open heart surgery on a plumber. Plumbers are easy. Everything is elbows, Tees and straight pipes."

The second surgeon says, "no, mine is easier. I've got an electrician. Everything inside an electrician is color coded."

The third surgeon laughs and says, "I've got both of you guys beat. Today, I'm doing a lawyer."

The other two surgeons ask what's so special about a lawyer?

The third surgeon replies, "simple...they have no heart, no guts, no spine and you don't even need to use an anesthetic because they have no feelings!"

 

[ratski]

Yeah, and when they take Viagra, they get taller.

 

[okiebryan]

What's brown and black and looks REALLY good on an attorney? A Doberman Pinscher

One day, God calls Satan on the phone.
"Satan, my angels just came back from a perimeter patrol, and it seems that the fence separating heaven and hell was badly damaged in last night's storm."

"Yeah, so...what's that got to do with me?"

"Well, Satan..maybe you forgot, but last time we fixed the fence. It's your turn. When can you get on that?"

"I'm not fixing any fence. Do it yourself."

"Now, Satan..we have a contract. We are supposed to take turns making necessary repairs. Step up and do what you are supposed to do."

"No, God.. I'm not fixing the fence."

"Satan, am I going to have to sue you to get you to honor your end of the deal?"

Satan starts laughing uncontrollably. God asks, "What are you laughing about?"

Satan catches his breath and says, "Sue me? Where are you possibly going to find a lawyer?"