Lawyer joke

[andrsnsm]

Uncle JB is gonna ban you boys if you keep it up

 

[okievarmint]

Ha, Ha! These are great! I just heard a good one from a lawyer friend: "Not all lawyers are like that!"

 

[timn8er]

Why won't a shark bite a lawyer? Professional courtesy!

 

[timn8er]

The Pope died, & by coincidence, arrived at the Pearly Gates at the same time as a lawyer.
St. Peter greets them both & takes them to their new homes. He stops in front of a
beautiful mansion, & tells the lawyer "This is your home". He then leads the Pope to a
small, humble, but very clean cottage & says "This is your home". The Pope is confused,
& asks St. Peter "Why is this small abode my home? On earth I was a Pope, but the man
who was just a lawyer gets a huge estate. Why?" St. Peter tells him "You've got to
understand, we already have 250 popes up here, But that man, he was our very first
lawyer!"

 

[ratski]

What do you call 25 lawyers skydiving?

Skeet

 

[BadgeBunny]

I used to work for a lawyer who LOVED lawyer jokes. He collected them and had a calligrapher friend of his write them up. Then he would have them framed. The entire wall around his diplomas was covered with lawyer jokes! He was a hoot!

This one was on his desk. It was his favorite.

"How do you help a drowning lawyer? Put your foot on his head."

Here's another one I remember being in a judge's chambers on the desk:

"Every lawyer knows the judge. Good lawyers have drinks with the judge. Great lawyers play golf with the judge."

That one kinda irked me because 1. it was on the judge's desk and 2. yeah, we all know it's true, but why rub our noses in it??

 

[SoonerP226]

If a lawyer was drowning and you could save him or take a Pulitzer-winning picture, what F-stop would you use?

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

If a lawyer and a politicrit were drowning and you had to send a message to the local emergency services to save them, how much postage should you use?

 

[Bigman405]

It was so cold the other day, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!

Now that's funny.

 

[Boehlertaught]

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?


A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer — do you have a locker room in the police station — a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

Now that's funny

 

[toehanus]

My dog just bit a lawyer. Now my dog is over licking his own butt trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

@toehanus