Marriage counselors

[nemesis]

I second this. My wifes first counselor pretty much told her to leave me, and do what made her happy, even if it meant seperating, and seeing other people outside the marriage, with two kids involved without ever meeting me. She came to see the light and we found a new counselor who we both liked. She was a christian counselor and my wife was afraid of being judged, but ultimately really liked the woman. Her name is Gloria and was at Moore Christian Counselor's or Moroe family counseling, something to that effect on 5th and I35 in Moore.

I'm glad you worked it out. In my opinion secular counselors are worse than no counselor. The whole field of therapeutic counseling/psychology/psychiatry has undergone a metamorphosis in the past quarter century. They've completely redefined "normality", etc. That's why we've got clinically insane people walking the streets in many cities. And this kind of incompetence has filtered into the realm of "family" counseling, as well.

Also, you have to consider the minimal amount of education one has to have in order to hang out a shingle as a "counselor." In most places it's a mere Master's degree. I've recently gotten my third college diploma (changed careers) and I can tell you, a Masters level in psychology is not much.

To the OP, as mentioned, try to find a "faith" based counselor. They will operate from the premise that it's in everyone's best interests to salvage the marriage. Then they work from there.

If you need any more advice, feel free to PM me. In fact, I can maybe point you in the direction of some really valuable reading material.

 

[benjamin-benjamin]

Try calling the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. http://www.okmarriage.org/
They can connect you with counseling (faith based and not) and have workshops and stuff.

And hang in there. I know it sucks right now, but making it through these rough patches only makes your bond stronger.

my wife manages the forever for real programs at OMI.. also got a great, honest, christian, "pro-marriage" counselor.. PM me for details..

 

[bettingpython]

Wheww man I am not in the city, unfortunately or I could recommend 2 good ones here in Tulsa.

I would start at church, but that may not be the right answer. I have an employee that went through a couples counselor with his church about 10 years ago he shared his story with me after finding out about what I was going through last year and they pretty much told him she wears the pants and he can't do anything about it. Which is far different than what my wife and I got from counseling. It takes 2 whole people to make a happy marriage you both have to be happy with yourselves first, then you both need to be willing to work and not just till the trouble is over but all the time.

I'll recommend a good book that the wife and I both read, "how to divorce proof your marriage".

Man I hope it works out. I'll lend an ear or a shoulder anytime. If my wife and I can come back from it there's always a chance. I started out with an individual counselor to talk to when she left me and he was amazed at what we were able to come back from.

 

[bettingpython]

...

The thing is that anybody can call themselves a marriage counselor, or give advice, and there's very little regulation by law. Ministers, for example, are often called upon for such services, but most of them have had very little, if any, real training in the field. I've seen some ministers give some real screwed up advice to people in serious trouble.

The phrase caveat emptor applies here.

Wrong, in Oklahoma you want to find an LMFT.

http://www.ok.gov/health/Protective...ng_Division/ACADEMIC_REQUIREMENTS_-_LMFT.html

 

[HMFIC]

I'm just going to throw it out there that sometimes it's also best to know when to throw in the towel. Only you can know if that's the case, but I'm going to be the voice on here that tells you to find a way to take a step back and really examine things too.

I spent 15 years, countless hours and dollars all for naught. My ex did nothing but drag me down and now I'm basically starting over again in life at 44. That's no excuse, I allowed it to happen and I take responsibility... I saw the signs, I knew the price and yet I continued on thinking it would get better and throwing everything into it. In the end, it was simply not possible... I had a person who was working against me at every turn due to her mental illness.

I'm all for giving it a chance and doing everything possible to save things. Just don't waste 15 years like I did...

 

[nemesis]

Wrong, in Oklahoma you want to find an LMFT.

http://www.ok.gov/health/Protective...ng_Division/ACADEMIC_REQUIREMENTS_-_LMFT.html

I was referring to the notion that ministers are competent marriage counselers, when in fact, that's not necessarily the case. Counseling is a mere afterthought in most ministerial curricula.

However, even to be a licensed counselor, a Masters level just isn't much. And what school of thought does said counselor espouse? If said counselor received his Masters at a secular school, a school that promotes humanism, then that counselor is likely to do as much harm as good.

Like I said, "buyer beware."

 

[OkieMoe]

Cheaper to just get a good lawyer

 

[Jace]

Its only by the grace of God and hard work coupled with lots of patience that any marriage can last a lifetime. Many a time Ive repeated those vows I made 34 years ago silently to myself...
"love" is a daily decision, the alternative is not so good. You will be in my prayers. BTW, its worth it!

 

[bettingpython]

Its only by the grace of God and hard work coupled with lots of patience that any marriage can last a lifetime. Many a time Ive repeated those vows I made 34 years ago silently to myself...
"love" is a daily decision, the alternative is not so good. You will be in my prayers. BTW, its worth it!

Yes it is. I know some guys on here have had some really crappy marriages. But if she's willing to work on it and he is too then theres always a chance. And if not it eases the pain. My counselor never sugar coated it he told me the odds were so slim that he realy didn't believe it would ever happen.

I won't sugar coat it there was open infidelity on both our parts there was a relationship with another man she hid, so it did fall in he boundaries of cheating as we had defined them and a general hedonistic lifestyle. Add to that some of the things I learned about myself and our marriage should have been doomed from the start.

I ain't no saint now. And wasn't a saint before either but 1 thing remained constant I loved my wife and she loved me.

 

[OkieMoe]

Yes it is. I know some guys on here have had some really crappy marriages. But if she's willing to work on it and he is too then theres always a chance. And if not it eases the pain. My counselor never sugar coated it he told me the odds were so slim that he realy didn't believe it would ever happen.

I won't sugar coat it there was open infidelity on both our parts there was a relationship with another man she hid, so it did fall in he boundaries of cheating as we had defined them and a general hedonistic lifestyle. Add to that some of the things I learned about myself and our marriage should have been doomed from the start.

I ain't no saint now. And wasn't a saint before either but 1 thing remained constant I loved my wife and she loved me.

I wish you all the luck in the world.... with both of you screwing up, at least you will walk in on an even slate..