What to do about a friend that won't call me back

[sumoj275]

Me and a friend, close friend whom I had known for 15 years plus, passed away while we weren’t talking to each other due to me telling him how I really felt about his move-in girlfriend who was using him. After several months of trying to get ahold of him, and a visit to his house which was up for sale I did a search of the obits based on a feeling. There it was, he had passed away. Talk about sick stomach and a kick to the balls. I called his dad at his shop and he told me they had try to get ahold of me but didn’t have my number but I feel they knew we had the separation due to the falling out. Needless to say, I still miss my friend, he was actually like ab older brother that I didn’t have. Don’t give it too much time.

BTW, I found out later through a guy that knew my buddy that as soon as he had passed she was caught trying to forge documents, bank accounts, title of his truck and classic cars

 

[Shoot Summ]

last 7 weeks. About a dozen text messages and 30 phone calls. He won't answer or call me back or even message me back.

I need to make that larger for the impact it has. It's already been said, but that is excessive(almost stalker-ish), he is absolutely sending you a message. You should have gotten the message on about 3 messages and 3 calls.

Reading the rest of this, you pushed him into something he didn't want to do, you had many hints along the way with the lack of progress. Then you show up to retrieve it and he isn't there, that is not just a hint, that is a loud message.

Let this cool off, might take some time, I wouldn't make this worse by showing up somewhere and backing him into a corner, he has already purposely avoided you. He doesn't want anything to do with you right now.

If you do get the opportunity to set it right, remember that you want this relationship back. Apologize, and accept ALL of the blame for what ever it was that unraveled your friendship. Don't start trying to unpack what happened, and start pushing blame on him.

 

[MR.T.]

I don't think it's stalker-ish. It's about 1 phone call attempt every other day. And I looked back and it was only 10 messages.
I don't blame him for anything and won't. And I don't even plan to bring up any topic on the pickup when/if I do get him to talk. I've even asked him how is car was coming along. Which is something he was always excited to talk about what he has been doing on it.

I'm probably going to give him some time to think things out. And probably try to get in touch with him again maybe around Thanksgiving or something.

 

[Shoot Summ]

I don't think it's stalker-ish. It's about 1 phone call attempt every other day. And I looked back and it was only 10 messages.
I don't blame him for anything and won't. And I don't even plan to bring up any topic on the pickup when/if I do get him to talk. I've even asked him how is car was coming along. Which is something he was always excited to talk about what he has been doing on it.

I'm probably going to give him some time to think things out. And probably try to get in touch with him again maybe around Thanksgiving or something.

If I was ghosting someone, and they called me every other day for seven weeks(30 calls in 49 days is more than that) and sent 10 messages, I would be concerned....

When my Son was ghosting a crazy chick, that was pretty much the pattern, he finally blocked her number, which honestly might be what is going on with you, he may have blocked you after the first dozen or so calls.

Glad you are going to take a step back, I think that is the right thing to do.

 

[C_Hallbert]

Have a **** friend call until his wife answere. Then have her leave a message to tell him their night together was ‘simply marvelous’.

 

[elwoodtrix]

cable guy

 

[FatPaulie]

It sounds to me like the olive branch has been extended, and the guy doesn’t want to accept it. If it were me, I’d leave the ball in his court and quit bugging him.

 

[TC54]

I'll try to make this as short as I can. I have a long time friend (al least for 16 years) that works at a trade school teaching auto mechanics. (Automotive Technology)
I've taken him some projects over the last several years. I don't have to pay any labor costs, just parts. And I have been pleased or satisfied with the work that was done in the past.
The latest project, a 91 Dodge pickup that the computer went completely out on it. This was the second time that this happened in less than 3 years. This time around, I said screw the computer, we are going old school on it. I already had all the parts. I took in a new intake, fuel pressure regulator, carburetor, ignition system, and everything else needed to do the job.
He tried to talk me into getting the computer rebuilt. I looked into that, but the company said they would not honor any warranty when they learned that it had already been rebuilt once before.
Long story shorter, the students kept screwing things up, breaking other things, or having to redo something 2 or 3 times and I was told near the end of the school year last year (after some prodding as to why I hadn't heard any news on my pickups) that the students were getting "not interested" in working on it anymore. They had the vehicle in their shop for 6 months. I told him I was getting concerned (and fed-up) and that I would come get the vehicle and take it home and do it myself and get it done right.
3 days later I went to get my pickup and of course my friend isn't there that day. Nothing worked on my pickup. There was more wrong with it when I took it home than when I dropped it off.
It took me 3 weeks time, about 18 hours total working on it in the evenings to fix what they did and do what they didn't and I had my pickup running and driving. This was 5 months ago. I didn't try to call my friend during the first month, cause I was still kinda upset about the whole situation. I was kinda hoping he would call me sometime during the summer.
I have tried to get in touch with him by calling and texting over the last 7 weeks. About a dozen text messages and 30 phone calls. He won't answer or call me back or even message me back.
My wife says I shouldn't go show up at his house to talk to him. Not yet anyway. I'm not angry or anything at him, I just want to clear the air, let the water go under the bridge, go back to the way things were when we would go to car shows together, to the races, talk cars, etc.
Wondering what I should do. Give him more time to get over whatever he needs to get over, contact his wife and ask her if she knows "what's up", show up at the end of the school day and catch him before he goes home from work?

Invite him for breakfast and talk about anything but that issue. Let it be just that. Water under the bridge. It takes two to make a friendship . Pray for the relationship God will go before you both.

 

[TANSTAAFL]

@MR.T. - Just asking, what ever happened???

 

[WoodsCraft]

I had a good friend who got upset with me over a disagreement , and we had been very close for years . He and I have not talked now in at least 7 years going at this point . I have tried numerous times to reach out and he doesn't want to interact so I have moved on. Sometimes you just have to let go