OK, I've been resisting it but this thread needs reviving.
My best story.
Top this if you can
One day shift I got a call asking me to respond to a local convenience store to see the manager for an unknown reason reference a customer who just left. I arrived and walked into the store noticing the front door glass had been broken outward towards the street and inside was the bloodiest scene I had ever seen. There were streams of blood everywhere. It was on the floor with a trail going out the door, on the ceiling, and on the counter with the cash register. I called for backup on my walkie before talking to the woman who had called.
I asked, “Is everyone ok? Three women clerks were all laughing and snickering and holding their hands over their mouths trying to calm down. I relaxed a little bit then and again asked if anyone was hurt. They broke out into hysterical laughter again. I grinned a little bit with them and said, “Ok, What’s going on?” “Where did the blood come from?” They again cracked up slapping the counter.
My backup arrived and he was ashen faced when he saw the blood then relieved a bit when he noticed everyone was laughing and I was smiling. I told him to follow the blood trail and get some more backup.
After he left, the head clerk then started to explain. "A guy came in and went to the back area by the beer coolers. He milled around back there and we weren't paying any attention to him. Well, he walked up to the counter and I was ringing up another customer. He waited a bit then set down on the countertop a quart-sized can of cling peaches,”
“In heavy syrup!”, yelled another clerk causing all three to blow up laughing again. I waited for her to continue, sensing this was going to be good. “Anyway, I had picked up the can, you know, to look at the price. The next thing I saw was his thing out on the counter laying on it like a hot dog without a bun.” Again the laughter. “I started grinning a little myself while she went on, “Anyway, when I saw it and I saw him grinning, looking at me and it really pissed me off!
More laughter. She looked over at the girls and got mad, looked at me, apparently, I was standing in the same spot as the customer, and slammed her hand down on the counter in front of me like she was holding a quart-sized can of cling peaches in heavy syrup.
We followed the blood trail outside and easily found the poor fellow about a block away in the car wash stall crying in the fetal position with the front of the man covered in blood.
It was still attached but had deep funny-looking cuts in semicircles on it and it was black and blue and flat in the middle.
I'm really surprised it didn't have Del Monte imprinted backward.
My best story.
Top this if you can
One day shift I got a call asking me to respond to a local convenience store to see the manager for an unknown reason reference a customer who just left. I arrived and walked into the store noticing the front door glass had been broken outward towards the street and inside was the bloodiest scene I had ever seen. There were streams of blood everywhere. It was on the floor with a trail going out the door, on the ceiling, and on the counter with the cash register. I called for backup on my walkie before talking to the woman who had called.
I asked, “Is everyone ok? Three women clerks were all laughing and snickering and holding their hands over their mouths trying to calm down. I relaxed a little bit then and again asked if anyone was hurt. They broke out into hysterical laughter again. I grinned a little bit with them and said, “Ok, What’s going on?” “Where did the blood come from?” They again cracked up slapping the counter.
My backup arrived and he was ashen faced when he saw the blood then relieved a bit when he noticed everyone was laughing and I was smiling. I told him to follow the blood trail and get some more backup.
After he left, the head clerk then started to explain. "A guy came in and went to the back area by the beer coolers. He milled around back there and we weren't paying any attention to him. Well, he walked up to the counter and I was ringing up another customer. He waited a bit then set down on the countertop a quart-sized can of cling peaches,”
“In heavy syrup!”, yelled another clerk causing all three to blow up laughing again. I waited for her to continue, sensing this was going to be good. “Anyway, I had picked up the can, you know, to look at the price. The next thing I saw was his thing out on the counter laying on it like a hot dog without a bun.” Again the laughter. “I started grinning a little myself while she went on, “Anyway, when I saw it and I saw him grinning, looking at me and it really pissed me off!
More laughter. She looked over at the girls and got mad, looked at me, apparently, I was standing in the same spot as the customer, and slammed her hand down on the counter in front of me like she was holding a quart-sized can of cling peaches in heavy syrup.
We followed the blood trail outside and easily found the poor fellow about a block away in the car wash stall crying in the fetal position with the front of the man covered in blood.
It was still attached but had deep funny-looking cuts in semicircles on it and it was black and blue and flat in the middle.
I'm really surprised it didn't have Del Monte imprinted backward.
I don't have any funny stories, but my Uncle was a firefighter. Back in the day before the SCBA's.
When the engine ended up at the fire, he was the first to bail out and run into the building to rescue anyone inside.
He had trained himself to hold his breath for almost two minutes.
Made national news in the late 60's when running into a house fire to rescue twin infants.
He was trapped in a room with no windows and the kids.
It was a room with plaster and lathes as was the norm in that time for construction.
He basically kicked a hole through the wall and crawled out with the twins in his arms.
The local news was on the scene to get the pic that went nationwide.
I've always remembered what he told me about kids that died in fires when there was a window in the room where they died. They were more afraid of their parents getting mad at them for breaking a window to escape than the fire, so they perished.
That intel was drilled into my kids and grandkids.
When the engine ended up at the fire, he was the first to bail out and run into the building to rescue anyone inside.
He had trained himself to hold his breath for almost two minutes.
Made national news in the late 60's when running into a house fire to rescue twin infants.
He was trapped in a room with no windows and the kids.
It was a room with plaster and lathes as was the norm in that time for construction.
He basically kicked a hole through the wall and crawled out with the twins in his arms.
The local news was on the scene to get the pic that went nationwide.
I've always remembered what he told me about kids that died in fires when there was a window in the room where they died. They were more afraid of their parents getting mad at them for breaking a window to escape than the fire, so they perished.
That intel was drilled into my kids and grandkids.
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