Dating Single Moms

[harley128]

I married one. But that was only 45 yrs ago. We're trying to make it last.

 

[MacFromOK]

I married one. But that was only 45 yrs ago. We're trying to make it last.

As did I, almost 42 yrs (this October) ago. My advice still stands.

 

[Annie]

So a lot of people don't read through all the posts. So I'll summarize.
I'm 25. No kids. One year divorced from a 5 year marriage.
She is 29. A 3 year old. Dad isn't around, she hasn't spoken with him for months, separated for a year.
I broke my personal rule of "no kids" because of how much I like her for multiple reasons.

Ok ... you've heard the good, the bad and the ugly. Here is why I didn't date for the longest time -- my time belonged to my kids. I didn't want to share them with anyone and I didn't want to spend time with anyone but them.

Once they started school, it was a little but different but not much. I started dating a guy who got along with my dad better than he got along with me. Probably because they were close to the same age. The kids told me when they were older (like high school age) that they thought Jack was like their P-paw. They didn't realize that he and I were dating. Lol Probably because he NEVER spent the night, and we never went anywhere without my kids. To be fair, "anywhere" was always some place Jack wanted to go. Like Clear Creek ... Probably why I loathe the lake so much now. Or up to my dad's to watch football. (My mom, dad, maternal grandparents lived on the same 5 acres. My brother had a single wide POS trailer he was "kind" enough to rent to me when my alcoholic husband up and left when the doctors thought I had cancer because, and I quote, "He didn't want to get stuck with the kids." Jack and I didn't have much in common, and he was basically an ass anyway, so we didn't last long. My parents were heartbroken. He was still coming over to see my dad regularly when the kids and I moved to OKC, so they didn't associate their relationship with him with me, if you get what I mean.

I only dated one other guy, kinda on and off, until the kids were in high school. Looking back I should have NEVER trusted him with my kids. Not that he was ever mean to them but he just wasn't "invested" if you know what I mean. He was quite a bit younger than me but his mom despised me -- and quite frankly, he was a Momma's boy. That probably had a lot to do with why we didn't get married because I really did love him and think that he loved me, just there was always that "Mom" drama in the background.

I said all that to say there is nothing wrong with dating a single mom as long as you understand that her child, if you are involved in his/her life AT ALL, that child WILL become attached to you.

My best advice, looking back, is that until the two of you are POSITIVE you want to be together long-term you NOT have regular contact with her child. Every once in a while (like maybe once a month or so) as "Mommy's friend" is one thing, several times a week or even a month, and taking responsibility for caring for said child in ANY capacity is quite another.

Trust me, if you guys DON'T work out for some reason, and that child is emotionally attached to you, it will break his/her heart ...

It sounds like you guys have a decent shot, if you can outwit her dumbass ex. Just be smarter than him and NEVER let him know he's gotten to you. EVER. That is your ace in the hole. Be straightforward about what YOU as a person will not put up with and NEVER lose your cool in front of him. The old man's ex- told me YEARS later that she had no idea how she didn't run me off because she and her mom and sister tried EVERYTHING they could think of and I never got rattled. I got rattled, all right, I just never let them see it.

 

[D. Hargrove]

Hell at this point if they don't work out it will break MY heart!!!!

 

[Annie]

Hell at this point if they don't work out it will break MY heart!!!!

I know, right?!?!? I'm ready to plan the wedding and adoption ... lol

 

[emapples]

In theory, this wouldn't necessarily be true. All it takes is one 2 minute quickstop.

True but at least you know she's not completely scared of sex

 

[3inSlugger]

Ok ... you've heard the good, the bad and the ugly. Here is why I didn't date for the longest time -- my time belonged to my kids. I didn't want to share them with anyone and I didn't want to spend time with anyone but them.

Once they started school, it was a little but different but not much. I started dating a guy who got along with my dad better than he got along with me. Probably because they were close to the same age. The kids told me when they were older (like high school age) that they thought Jack was like their P-paw. They didn't realize that he and I were dating. Lol Probably because he NEVER spent the night, and we never went anywhere without my kids. To be fair, "anywhere" was always some place Jack wanted to go. Like Clear Creek ... Probably why I loathe the lake so much now. Or up to my dad's to watch football. (My mom, dad, maternal grandparents lived on the same 5 acres. My brother had a single wide POS trailer he was "kind" enough to rent to me when my alcoholic husband up and left when the doctors thought I had cancer because, and I quote, "He didn't want to get stuck with the kids." Jack and I didn't have much in common, and he was basically an ass anyway, so we didn't last long. My parents were heartbroken. He was still coming over to see my dad regularly when the kids and I moved to OKC, so they didn't associate their relationship with him with me, if you get what I mean.

I only dated one other guy, kinda on and off, until the kids were in high school. Looking back I should have NEVER trusted him with my kids. Not that he was ever mean to them but he just wasn't "invested" if you know what I mean. He was quite a bit younger than me but his mom despised me -- and quite frankly, he was a Momma's boy. That probably had a lot to do with why we didn't get married because I really did love him and think that he loved me, just there was always that "Mom" drama in the background.

I said all that to say there is nothing wrong with dating a single mom as long as you understand that her child, if you are involved in his/her life AT ALL, that child WILL become attached to you.

My best advice, looking back, is that until the two of you are POSITIVE you want to be together long-term you NOT have regular contact with her child. Every once in a while (like maybe once a month or so) as "Mommy's friend" is one thing, several times a week or even a month, and taking responsibility for caring for said child in ANY capacity is quite another.

Trust me, if you guys DON'T work out for some reason, and that child is emotionally attached to you, it will break his/her heart ...

It sounds like you guys have a decent shot, if you can outwit her dumbass ex. Just be smarter than him and NEVER let him know he's gotten to you. EVER. That is your ace in the hole. Be straightforward about what YOU as a person will not put up with and NEVER lose your cool in front of him. The old man's ex- told me YEARS later that she had no idea how she didn't run me off because she and her mom and sister tried EVERYTHING they could think of and I never got rattled. I got rattled, all right, I just never let them see it.

Thanks Annie. I'm afraid I've already had a decent amount of contact with her child because we can spend time more time together that way. If he does come back, I realize exactly what you said, and thank you for sharing. I like hearing women's perspectives on this subject.

Hell at this point if they don't work out it will break MY heart!!!!

No pressure, right?!?

I know, right?!?!? I'm ready to plan the wedding and adoption ... lol

LOL, let's just say her first name is one letter different than my last name, (ie Mary Marys), so multiple friends have already made the marriage joke. About the adoption, well, as serious as I take marriage after a divorce, I take the thought of adoption about 10x as serious.

True but at least you know she's not completely scared of sex

I knew that already though!

 

[dennishoddy]

And here I thought we were going to have a high octane, contentious thread on strippers.

What's wrong with strippers? Some of my best evening friends I ever had were strippers as long as the dollars were flowing.

 

[Annie]

What's wrong with strippers? Some of my best evening friends I ever had were strippers as long as the dollars were flowing.

For the life of me I will never understand why someone would pay a stripper for teasing the **** outta them. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Hookers, yeah, I can see that -- but throwing dollar bills at someone just because she can make love to a metal pole. Ehhhh ... seems like your money would be better spent sitting at the bar, tipping the bartender well. Of course, I'm not a guy so maybe I'm just not supposed to get it.

And for the record, yes, I have been to strip clubs. And I've been to "make reviews" with my female friends back in the day. Didn't toss a single dollar at a dancer I had no chance of taking home. I have, however, tipped bartenders very well, and received everything I paid for and more ...

 

[MacFromOK]

TMI!!!!