Funny Cop or Firefighter Stories

[Snattlerake]

My God, there are so many! I could fill a book.

While a deputy in Barber County Kansas, I was stopped by a dump truck driver driving for a local construction company. Yes, I said I was stopped by him.

He explained he had been complaining to the bosses that he was during a death trap of a truck. It had no brakes, no headlights or tail lights, no brake lights, no clearance lights, and his tires had absolutely no tread. He wanted me to write him tickets on his truck to get it fixed. He was giddy and laughing while he took me on a guided tour around his truck. I wrote 13 "fix it" tickets totaling around $25,000 in fines and court costs. I never found out the outcome but the truck wasn't worth $10,000 let alone $25K.

______________________________________________


One day shift I received a call about a woman screaming. I was just around the block from the call so I parked and jogged to the caller's address. As I was approaching I could hear a woman screaming. I advised dispatch I verified the initial call and was attempting to contact. No one else was available in the area.

Gun drawn, I identified myself and continued to hear screaming. I kicked in the front door after no response to my yelling. More screaming. I follow the screaming to the bathroom and the screaming is coming from the inside with the door locked. Identified myself again and she stopped screaming and yelled “Get in! here now!”

I kicked in that door and saw a naked woman standing on the toilet lid jumping from one foot to the next trying to stay in the middle of the lid. Then I saw it, a small, brown, furry, wet, arm between the seat and bowl trying to claw at the woman’s feet. I grabbed a towel for the woman and she wrapped herself and I lifted her off the toilet down to the floor. (I don’t think it took her three steps to get out the front door.) I lift up the toilet seat and rescue a drowning squirrel.

------------------------------------------------

I received a dispatch to meet a mailman at the entrance to Wal Mart. I parked next to his mail truck and he gave me a wallet he had found in the driveway of the store. I thanked him and took it back to the PD.
We had all kinds of identification of the same person in the wallet. Numerous credit cards and picture ID's. We of course ran the person NCIC. Well, guess what, he was an army deserter.

We notified the army provost marshal and they indeed requested we keep the deserter under lock and key until they arrived. THey faxed the court and us the necessary paperwork and said The transporting MP's would be leaving as soon as we called again.

I contacted the owner of the wallet who lived about 3 hours away. He had been frantic to find his wallet and thanked me profusely stating he was "getting in the car right now." We told him to bring another form of picture ID or birth certificate with him to properly ID when he arrived. He said he already had it with him and again was "leaving now."

I called the MP's back who were only 2 hours away.
Long story short. The MP's arrived and were having coffee in our breakroom when the owner of the wallet walked into the front desk to claim it.

It was beautiful. We had him step into the jail intake area where we properly identified him and gave him his wallet. Then the MP's walked around the corner and arrested him. His face went from elated to OH Sh**! in 1.2 seconds.

 

[undeg01]

I had a FTO that liked to stakeout bars and watch for stumbling drunks to come out and get into their cars. He would have me park a half block away then walk in the shadows of the alley so no one could see us. I had moved on to another FTO and we all had breakfast after hoot shift. My first FTO came in and told us about his encounter the night before at one of his favorite spots. He wasn’t catching any drunks so decided he would just check vehicles. He walked up to find a guy with his pants down around his ankles and a hot blonde with her head in his lap “going to town.” We were in a college town so such a thing wasn’t unusual. He said he just watched for a minute or two then hit them with a flashlight. He said the blonde jerked her head up to reveal a full beard. . He didn’t feel much like breakfast that morning.

 

[Dorkus]

Not really what you are looking for but I did get out of a ticket for running a red light with a great excuse. The LEO even told me he never heard it before so he gave me a warning.

I was driving back from hog hunting one morning and my slug shotgun was in the back seat of my truck. The light turned yellow and I sped through the light. He stopped me immediately and asked why I ran the light. I told him I would have had to slam on my brakes and I was afraid my shotgun would fall off the seat and knock my scope out of alignment. We both had a good laugh and he told me he that was a good one, he understood and not to do it again. I haven't.

 

[Gadsden]

We had a rookie who couldn't wait to respond to a domestic. In spite of everything we told him about why to not ever want to get a domestic call he had it in his mind that was what he wanted to do. Well one night when I had him for FTO a very familiar call dropped. It was at a residence we responded to constantly for DV's. I told him well you just got your wish, here's a domestic call and it's all yours to handle. He was champing at the bit and couldn't wait to get to the location.

After we arrived our backup unit pulled in behind us and I told the other officer that the rookie was handling the call. He just smirked and we followed rookie up to the house and stood behind him as he knocked on the door which, on this night, was answered by the "female" of the relationship. He/she immediately went on rant describing how he/she came home and found 'her' husband/partner in bed with another guy and after seeing what they were doing the fight (which as it turns out was just verbal in nature) ensued. Rookie turned around with a panicked look on his face, but of course he wasn't getting any help from us (especially since we were trying as hard as we could to not bust out laughing) unless it was absolutely necessary.

After things calmed down, which took about 30 minutes IIRC, and "husband" left to spend the night somewhere else (we didn't know where and didn't want to know) we left to resume patrol. The first thing out of rookies mouth was about how we'd set him up and that it wasn't really a domestic. Of course I explained since they were living together and also in an intimate relationship it was, indeed, a domestic. I then advised him that he'd have to provide a very detailed report to include what "wifey" described he/she saw after walking in on 'husband'.

Probably needless to say but after we advised our sergeant on the call he was anxious to get in on the fun. So, after he got the report, he redlined certain sections and called rookie in and told him he wasn't clear enough and had to rewrite those sections in greater detail. For some reason we never heard another peep out of rookie's mouth about wanting to respond to a domestic.

 

[undeg01]

Not really what you are looking for but I did get out of a ticket for running a red light with a great excuse. The LEO even told me he never heard it before so he gave me a warning.

I was driving back from hog hunting one morning and my slug shotgun was in the back seat of my truck. The light turned yellow and I sped through the light. He stopped me immediately and asked why I ran the light. I told him I would have had to slam on my brakes and I was afraid my shotgun would fall off the seat and knock my scope out of alignment. We both had a good laugh and he told me he that was a good one, he understood and not to do it again. I haven't.

I have a buddy who is a motor jockey and let a guy off after the guy challenged him to a round of Rock Paper Scissors.

 

[TeamTomlyn]

When I was a budding rookie I had a day job at my uncles tire shop right off I35. My uncle was also the captain of the reserves and my FTO. His son was one of the local finest as well. So one day we are taking a break in his office at the shop. Mind you it is covered with LEO and military commendations, awards and even a few qualification targets. In comes this greasy old trucker that needs a tire; so I get to work while the rest of them ham it up.
I come back and start writing up his ticket and the damn fool starts telling us how he isn’t very excited to get back on the road. I say well that’s what you get for running heavy. He gets a case of verbal diarrhea and tells us all about how he got strong armed into hauling dope up from south Texas…silence…blink blink. The 3 of us with badges were dumb struck. My uncle being pretty quick witted starts debating jurisdiction, who was gonna get credit and who was doing paperwork lmao. The trucker was completely clueless and looks at me like wtf is going on. Then we explained how this tire change came with a free set of bracelets and dinner on us as a way of saying thank you lmao. Odd thing was I never seen a man so relieved to get busted.

 

[OK Corgi Rancher]

I was cruising down US 285 one day thru Conifer, CO...one of the mountain communities I patrolled. It was just about dark when a Jeep Cherokee passed me going the opposite direction. I noticed in the mirror it didn't have any working tail lights. I turned around, caught up to the Jeep, and hit the overheads. The guy turned off the highway right in front of a Safeway store, pulled over just to the edge of the road and stopped. The driver quickly got out of his car so I got out and politely said, "Sir, please get back in your car." The guy shrugged his shoulders and said, "It ain't my car!" Then he turned and hauled ass across the road and up into the woods on the side of the mountain.

I immediately started to chase him but noticed the Jeep was rolling forward out into traffic. Before I could do anything it rolled across the road and into a shallow ditch and hit a retaining wall. OK...that problem was solved.

So I start chasing the guy up into the trees. I can hear him crashing thru the brush and yelling the occasional expletive as he stumbled thru the darkness. It didn't take long to chase him down and get him cuffed. He'd made it maybe 100 yards up the side of the mountain from the hwy.

As we came out of the trees I noticed there were several cars pulled over and a lot of people were milling about. I finally got to a spot where my radio was working and told dispatch I'd caught the guy and had him in custody.

A rather large guy walked up to me and said something to the effect of he'd be more than happy to hold the guy while I beat his ass. A lot of the people around seemed to agree that was a good idea. I told him that wouldn't be necessary and put him in my car. I honestly felt I needed to leave for this dude's safety...a lot of people were really pissed off at this guy.

Dispatch called and asked me to verify the plate so I did. She told me this vehicle had been in a pursuit with 2 or 3 Denver area police departments and was taken in a car-jacking. After talking to a few people they all had the same story...he'd ran most of them off the hwy on the way up the mountain from the metro area. I found two guns in the car under the drivers seat and one of our K9s found another he'd apparently tossed or dropped while I was chasing him.

I decided my guardian angel was working overtime that night.

 

[OK Corgi Rancher]

How many of you have almost shot someone while clearing a house...only to realize the guy pointing the gun at you is your reflection in a mirror?

 

[Raido Free America]

I was a Fire Fighter and have lots of funny stories. Back in the distant past, we had to answer our own emergency calls, on the "RED PHONE"a number for emergencies only! one night the red phone rang, I answered, and a litlle girl said, my hamsters had babies, and she is eating them!!! All my training hadn't covered this scenario, so I told her to tell her mother about this. In just a few minutes, the red phone rang again. The same little girl said, It's OK she was just cleaning them, and spit them back out!!! I thanked her for keeping us posted!!

 

[Raido Free America]

Late one summer night we were sitting in front of the fire station, on the side walk. The police station was next door, and a cop car was parked in front of the police station. This cops dog was in the back of the car barking at us. so being the mental giants we were, three grown men, fire fighters, started barking back at him!! The cop a good friend, came out, saw what was happening, jumped into his car and whipped up to where we were setting. he then acted like he was going to open the back door and turn this pissed off attack dog lose on us!! He left the drivers door open, and what he didn't realize was, he had the l sliding window in the back seat cage OPEN!! Here the dog came, we were all playing except the DOG!! The bay doors were open, and needless to say we skinned the paint on some fire trucks climbing out of danger! The dog grabed on fire fighter that weaighed 200 pounds, by his wallet, in his back pocket, luckily, and shook him like a rag doll!! This scared this cop, and us, to death, luckily no one was injured except the paint on the truck hoods!