How to drive in Oklahoma City.

[db5]

HOW TO DRIVE IN OKLAHOMA CITY

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, "The City."

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-40 is 85 mph. On I-44 and I-35, your speed is expected to at least match the fastest vehicle.
Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. OKC has its own version of traffic rules. For example, Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go 1st. The trucks with the biggest tires go 2nd. Everyone else, will politely wave each other on for some insane reason.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light or stop sign, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. Unless there is a police car nearby.

6. Never honk at anyone if you are northeast of I-44 or north of I-240. Never. Ever.
Matter of fact, don't even drive over there.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. Generally, city roads other than the main streets have more potholes and bumps than most dirt roads in the countryside.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, ladders, possums, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, furniture, cats, mattresses, washing machines, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, hawks and cows running down city streets. Also cowboys on horses chasing cows with lassos.

9. Be aware of Cleveland county and Canadian county sheriff deputies....they are avid hunters and are out for blood.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated”.

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 75 in a 55-65 mph zone, e.g., you are considered a road hazard and will be tailgated closely until you wise up and get over. If you choose to remain idiotic you will then be passed and aggressively cut off by everyone you've been holding up.

12. When merging onto the interstate....be doing at least 75mph before you leave the ramp. Pretend you are a NASCAR driver. Otherwise you are susceptible to being prevented from entering traffic and then you are the problem!!!

MORAL OF THE STORY: If everyone drives between 85 and 90 Oklahoma City is a very pleasant place.

I've seen everything else, but never this, "Also cowboys on horses chasing cows with lassos." Are they trying to catch the cows or get their lassos back that have been taken by the cows?

 

[SoonerP226]

They must also achieve the speed of the traffic they are merging with. This fact escapes me when there is a nice long onramp, azzhats insist upon doing 50 to 55 when merging onto a 65 MPH highway. after having been behind these efferes, and after I leave them in my dust finally achieving the speed limit, they will invariably pass me speeding above the speed limit.

Oh, you’ve driven in Tulsa, I see.

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the right lane on Yale getting ready to go right to merge onto the Creek Turnpike westbound. At the last moment, a Suburban decided that it needs to be in that lane, which wouldn’t have been so bad except for the fact that my bumper was about even with his rear door and I was already in that lane. But I let him in, no paint swapped, no harm, no foul.

So he turns to get onto the turnpike. Mind you, this is a long downhill ramp, so even the worst barely-running poopbox can get up to speed before having to merge, but not this guy. Oh, no, this guy doesn’t even get up to 45 (the freaking MINIMUM speed on the turnpike) before he tries to merge.

Holy hell, some people are dumb. Why do they feel the need to be dumb around me when I have things to do other than wait for the cop to show up so I can be a witness regarding their stupidity?

 

[Dale00]

Maybe there is a need for a ring road <understatement>

 

[GorillaG]

What are these "turn signals" you speak of?