"I Am Adam Lanza's Mother"

[Glocktogo]

There is more to the story

http://sarahkendzior.com/2012/12/16/want-the-truth-behind-i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-read-her-blog/

There always is. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in a significant percentage of cases. I think its important to do post analysis to the extent possible on the underlying symptoms that preceed such tragedies. Not to assign blame, but to have an honest dialogue and learn to recognize those actions and words that may be trigger points.

I can already see a specific level of denial in the aunt. She's on TV saying that Adam's mom wasn't one to dismiss problems and that she would've sought treatment or help for Addam if it had been necessary. Really? The guy who just killed 28 people didn't need help? How can you say that?

 

[Glocktogo]

While I will not pretend to know if this woman is as mentally ill as she says her child is, or just a really good writer who knows how to make a blog "trafficable", I will say this -- when you present yourself to the public as she has done, no stone will be left unturned to discredit you. None of us has a closet completely devoid of skeletons ...

I feel sorry for her children ... She has thrown them all into the lions' den. Whether she did so intentionally, to further her writing career, or unintentionally, to further the discussion on the sorry state of the treatment of mental illness in this country remains to be seen, but the damage to her children will be the same, irregardless ...

Whatever happened to putting your children FIRST?

Her latest blog entry:

A Joint Statement from Sarah and Liza
Many of you have seen Sarah's excellent blog in the past few days. I think she makes some important points about children's privacy. http://sarahkendzior.com/

We have been in contact, and I am truly impressed with her professionalism and her concern for children. We have written the following statement that we would like to share:



“We would like to release a public statement on the need for a respectful national conversation on mental health. Whatever our prior disagreements, we both believe that the stigma attached to mental illness needs to end. We need to provide affordable, quality mental health care for families. We need to provide support for families who have a relative who is struggling.


“We both agree that privacy for family members, especially children, is important. Neither of us anticipated the viral response to our posts. We love our children and hope you will respect their privacy.


“Our nation has suffered enough in the aftermath of Newtown. We are not interested in being part of a ‘mommy war’. We are interested in opening a serious conversation on what can be done for families in need. Let’s work together and make our country better.”


Thanks, all!

 

[JB Books]

BB, people stopped putting kids first sometime in the 1970s. If I had a child, my number one priority would to be the absolute best father I could. That consideration would trump everything else in my life.

 

[BadgeBunny]

There always is. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in a significant percentage of cases. I think its important to do post analysis to the extent possible on the underlying symptoms that preceed such tragedies. Not to assign blame, but to have an honest dialogue and learn to recognize those actions and words that may be trigger points.

I can already see a specific level of denial in the aunt. She's on TV saying that Adam's mom wasn't one to dismiss problems and that she would've sought treatment or help for Addam if it had been necessary. Really? The guy who just killed 28 people didn't need help? How can you say that?

Not trying to pick an argument with you, because I understand exactly what you are saying, but it could be as simple as she didn't know he needed help. It may be she lacked the education to see the warning signs, or it may be that he was skilled enough to hide the true nature of his illness until it just got to be too much to bear. Look at all the serial killers out there who folks thought were "perfectly normal" folks ... And then, again, there is the whole family dynamic thing. I haven't seen any of the newscasts or talk shows since the day of the shootings (I've had all I can take ) but it is easy for folks closest to those who are mentally ill to really not see the severity of the illness (or how it might be progressing from mild to severe) because they become "numb" to the signals. It's easy to say "Oh, well ... that's just so-and-so ... they've always been different ..."

 

[BadgeBunny]

Her latest blog entry:

Hmmmm ... Again ... who's the sane one there now? Her? Her husband? The woman who criticized her? Any number of their newly hired PR consultants? I'm just cynical enough to go with the PR consultants. Not that any of this is gonna save those kids ... Mom's already thrown that door wide open. Those kinds of doors don't swing back the other way ...

BB, people stopped putting kids first sometime in the 1970s. If I had a child, my number one priority would to be the absolute best father I could. That consideration would trump everything else in my life.

I would have to agree with that assessment. I know I wasn't the best parent on the planet, but I did the best I could with what I had to work with. I suppose, in the end, that's all any of us can do.

 

[soonersfan]

I agree with the children not being important anymore. I think being a Dad is such a joke to most guys it's not even funny. As we all know, the Mom is usually the one left to raise the kids alone because so many Dads are deadbeats. Sometimes the Dads aren't given the opportunity by the moms. In most cases I see with my employees, the Moms are concerned about themselves and the Dads are just concerned about who they're going to hook up with next.

It is almost a badge of honor for some of these guys to talk about how many baby mama's they have. Then they like to talk about how they are taking care of their kids because the give the mom a box of diapers a month. It is disgusting to me. I have four pregnant girls working for me now and all my sympathy is for their children and how neglected they will be. Then my sympathy becomes concern for how much worse those kids will be and their kids, etc. I have one girl working for me who went through this phase but is serious about being a good mom now. She is the exception and she really has to struggle.

This is where my perspective comes from when I talk about single parent families. I know there are many single parents out there doing effective jobs but the scenarios I just described are quickly outnumbering any other type of family unit. All the people I mentioned are on the government dole as well. None of the fathers are paying child support. All of the mothers will likely repeat this same scenario with a different guy in less than two years. I've seen it countless times over the years but the frequency keeps going up.

This is a major issue and one I feel is the major underlying issue to many other social issues. You don't have to believe in God or have a specific moral code to know this isn't going to work and see where it is taking us. Sex education clearly is not working. These people should not be having babies. I don't have any solutions but until we fix the family unit our children will continue to be unruly and will give way to even more unruly children until our society crumbles. My $.02.

 

[BadgeBunny]

soonersfan, I do believe you hit the nail on the head. I had my first child when I was 24, college-degreed, out of my parents' home and working and supporting myself. I cannot imagine being under 20, no high school diploma let alone no college degree, and finding myself pregnant.

The comments have been made in other threads here about girls who just have baby after baby to stay in the welfare system. I can completely understand some girls feeling like they have no other choice than to do just that. However, that choice comes with a horrible emotional toll -- one these girls are not equipped to handle at all.

And I don't even know what to say about the boys. All I know is my boys were taught from day one that if they didn't want to be saying "do you want fries with that" to pay some girl child support for a baby they really weren't ready for they had best be keeping little Dick close to home ... However, I've seen some people talking about how proud they were that their boy was getting his wild oats sown and out of the way early ...

I used to think my grandpa was over-reacting when he bemoaned the state of this country. Now I sound just like him -- only our problems seem to be much, much worse ... or maybe it just seems that way because what used to be "grown up" problems are now the problems of children who should still be trying to figure out what to wear to prom -- not how to buy another can of formula when pay day is still way too far off ...

 

[Glocktogo]

Not trying to pick an argument with you, because I understand exactly what you are saying, but it could be as simple as she didn't know he needed help. It may be she lacked the education to see the warning signs, or it may be that he was skilled enough to hide the true nature of his illness until it just got to be too much to bear. Look at all the serial killers out there who folks thought were "perfectly normal" folks ... And then, again, there is the whole family dynamic thing. I haven't seen any of the newscasts or talk shows since the day of the shootings (I've had all I can take ) but it is easy for folks closest to those who are mentally ill to really not see the severity of the illness (or how it might be progressing from mild to severe) because they become "numb" to the signals. It's easy to say "Oh, well ... that's just so-and-so ... they've always been different ..."

Nah, no argument from me.

That's why I think post event ananlysis is so critical. Some people don't have the capacity or knowledge to recognize real danger signals. That said, this was a 52 year old professional person with plenty of time on her hands, so if she didn't know, she could've easily found out. Like I said, this isn't to blame the mother at all, but to help other parents recognize when its time to act.

 

[BadgeBunny]

Nah, no argument from me.

That's why I think post event ananlysis is so critical. Some people don't have the capacity or knowledge to recognize real danger signals. That said, this was a 52 year old professional person with plenty of time on her hands, so if she didn't know, she could've easily found out. Like I said, this isn't to blame the mother at all, but to help other parents recognize when its time to act.

Well, at the risk of sounding like we're all attending a circle jerk convention this morning, I agree. There will always be those folks out there who either can't or won't take the time to learn from things like this. Then there are those who either can't or won't act on the knowledge they have for whatever reason. So ... I think the most we can hope for is that someone, somewhere will be allowed to have a properly licensed weapon on them (or LE will be allowed to have a serious presence in our schools) and have the courage to do what needs to be done quickly and efficiently. It's not a perfect solution, by any stretch of the imagination, but it's all I've got under the circumstances ...

 

[RidgeHunter]

I'm glad we all know who to blame what to do in order to fix society.

BB, people stopped putting kids first sometime in the 1970s.

********. Prior to the 1970s, kids got raped, molested, abused, beaten, and neglected and nobody ever talked about it. And it was much easier to get away with it back then. And much harder for a spouse, especially a woman, to leave an abuser.

The fact that social norms inhibited open dialogue about terrible things doesn't mean they didn't happen as much as they happen today. If you've ever known an old person who simply does not talk about one or both of their parents, there's likely a reason for it. It's such a fallacy to assert that terrible parents were few and far between before we got color television. The good 'ol days are good because we only remember the good parts.

And I don't even know what to say to the rest of this thread, or any threads on this subject.