Joke time....It's Friday

[primeoflife321]

I was stopped at a stop light and a man approached me. "I'll work for food" he said.

So I handed him a coconut.

 

[HVYCHVY]

If you have a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?

The Jolly Green Giant in a bad predicament

 

[HVYCHVY]

Whats the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom? The pick pocket snatches watches.

What do you call a southern sissy? A homosexya'll

 

[jbrentn]

Three Big 12 football fans were out for a ride when one noticed a foot
sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and
discovered a nude female, dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the
Nebraska fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The
OSU fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.
Following their lead, but with some grumbling, the UO fan took off
his cap and placed it over her "youth."


The police were called and when the officer arrived,he conducted his
inspection. First, he lifted up the Nebraska cap,replaced it, and wrote
down some notes. Next, he lifted the OSU cap, replaced it, and
wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the UO cap,
replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time,
and replaced it one last time.

The UO fan was becoming annoyed and finally asked, "What are you, a
pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and
looking? "Well," said the officer, "I am simply surprised. Normally when
I look under a UO hat, I find an a$$hole.

 

[jbrentn]

A homeless guy walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a toothpick. the bartender gives it to him and thinks nothing of it. a few minutes later, two more homeless guys come into the bar and also ask for toothpicks. the bartender's starting to get curious, but lets it slide. in five minutes, a fourth homeless guy comes into the bar and asks for a straw. now the bartender is really curious, so he asks the guy what's going on. the homeless guy says, "oh someone threw up in the parking lot, and all the chunks are gone!"

 

[smcgee10]

John Kerry walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

I love that joke

 

[LDA.45]

A homeless guy walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a toothpick. the bartender gives it to him and thinks nothing of it. a few minutes later, two more homeless guys come into the bar and also ask for toothpicks. the bartender's starting to get curious, but lets it slide. in five minutes, a fourth homeless guy comes into the bar and asks for a straw. now the bartender is really curious, so he asks the guy what's going on. the homeless guy says, "oh someone threw up in the parking lot, and all the chunks are gone!"

You OWE me a new screen.......

 

[jbrentn]

You OWE me a new screen.......

i do what i can.

 

[Cohiba]

A Deputy stops at a cattle farm and talks with the old farmer
who's the owner.

He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for
illegally grown marijuana.'

The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me!" Pointing to the
badge on his chest he proudly says,"See this badge? This
badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land. No
questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand my POWER and AUTHORITY!!??

The old farmer nods politely, and goes about his chores.

Later, the old guy hears loud screams for help and spies the
deputy running for his life! Close behind is the farmer's huge
breeder bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The
officer is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws
down his manure fork, runs to the fence and yells at the top of
his lungs.....

"Your badge! Show him your badge!"

[Broken External Image]

Cohiba

 

[justinsaneok]

A Deputy stops at a cattle farm and talks with the old farmer
who's the owner.

He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for
illegally grown marijuana.'

The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me!" Pointing to the
badge on his chest he proudly says,"See this badge? This
badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land. No
questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand my POWER and AUTHORITY!!??

The old farmer nods politely, and goes about his chores.

Later, the old guy hears loud screams for help and spies the
deputy running for his life! Close behind is the farmer's huge
breeder bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The
officer is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws
down his manure fork, runs to the fence and yells at the top of
his lungs.....

"Your badge! Show him your badge!"

[Broken External Image]

Cohiba