WOW are you in for a culture shock!!! As a Yankee transplant myself of over 42 years now I can save you some time adjusting to Oklahoma.
1. No, you didn't suddenly get more handsome or sexier, they call EVERYONE, hon, darlin, sugar or sweetie. Doesn't matter if you have two heads and your breath would kill a buzzard.
2. Don't worry about scorching heat, massive flooding, tornadoes etc. etc. Just wait a few hours and it will be 20 below zero and trees will be falling down from horrific ice storms.
3. Don't get impatient if your waiting in the line of 300 at the Walmart pharmacy and you urgently need your insulin, narcon, poison antidote , viagra, Summers Eve, etc. The customer at the counter and the clerk are "visitin" and it's rude, uncouth, and TABOO to interrupt for ANY reason but ESPECIALLY if their talking about OU football.
4. On the subject of Walmart don't make the mistake of thinking it's a department store. Here it's a RELIGIOUS INSTITUTION! Please learn and maintain proper Walmart etiquette at all times. DO NOT get irritated when people just stop in the isles and start reading labels or "visitin" *(see "visitin" guidelines in #3) or if they go in the opposite direction of the rest of the planet. They are not doing it intentionally to irritate you they are just oblivious to the rest of the universe.
5. Yes there are more cars in the parking lot with handicapped placards than without, and yes there are few if any actual people in the store with actual wheelchairs, and no, most of the people in the electric carts are not just 500 lbs. Most are however lifelong chain smokers that need to conserve their energy at least until they can get outside and have a smoke.
6. On the subject of Walmart, the absolute BEST TIME to shop there is after Church on Sunday. It's like a graveyard, the isles are so empty you could roll a bowling ball down them without hitting a thing. On the RARE occasions when you do encounter a near death collision the psycho 35 yr old woman with 4 kids and or grandkids and or great grandkids that almost killed you will be polite and friendly...hon.
7. Oh yeah, back to the smokers. Not sure if it's encouraged or required here but don't be offended if you're looked down on if you don't partake. In fact if you plan on working it's a pretty good idea to take up the habit. As many employers will give you a 15 minute smoke break every 30 minutes and if your one of the lung worshippers that doesn't partake you will be expected to take up the slack.
8. If you're stupid enough to attempt driving here THAT"S ON YOU! Yes, if you're going to wimp out and only drive 10 miles over the speed limit there will INSTANTLY be a LARGE, LIFTED 4DR FULLSIZE PICKUP literally touching your rear bumper while hand signaling that OU is NUMBER ONE!! These aren't the worse drivers in earth, those live just north of us in Kansas where they all learn to drive on combines. *Yes, turn signals are available in Oklahoma but are optional NOT standard equipment.
9. If you find your self in a giant traffic snarl in one of our metro areas do not be at all concerned. At the end of the two hour period when you finally reach the cause of the bottleneck it will be either A. nothing whatsoever or B. an empty cardboard box on the shoulder. *in rare cases there can be large traffic jams in rural areas, this is always caused by the person at the front of the traffic counting the number of cows in the pasture next to the highway. When you reach that point please count as quickly as possible.
10. Lastly if you wish to assimilate here please learn the local dialect. I know up north (which is referred to as "back east" for some reason even if it's North Dakota) words like "beer" have one syllable, but as a barkeep informed me upon my arrival, down here it's pronounced "beeeeeeeeeeer" and actually has THREE syllables. There are many one syllable words however like: "shouldn't,wouldn't, couldn't" etc. etc.
Well that's about all I can think of right off the bat, welcome to my adopted home., and one other thing, I "wouldn't" ever wanna live anywhere else. Sweet Home Oklahoma, GO OU!!!
1. No, you didn't suddenly get more handsome or sexier, they call EVERYONE, hon, darlin, sugar or sweetie. Doesn't matter if you have two heads and your breath would kill a buzzard.
2. Don't worry about scorching heat, massive flooding, tornadoes etc. etc. Just wait a few hours and it will be 20 below zero and trees will be falling down from horrific ice storms.
3. Don't get impatient if your waiting in the line of 300 at the Walmart pharmacy and you urgently need your insulin, narcon, poison antidote , viagra, Summers Eve, etc. The customer at the counter and the clerk are "visitin" and it's rude, uncouth, and TABOO to interrupt for ANY reason but ESPECIALLY if their talking about OU football.
4. On the subject of Walmart don't make the mistake of thinking it's a department store. Here it's a RELIGIOUS INSTITUTION! Please learn and maintain proper Walmart etiquette at all times. DO NOT get irritated when people just stop in the isles and start reading labels or "visitin" *(see "visitin" guidelines in #3) or if they go in the opposite direction of the rest of the planet. They are not doing it intentionally to irritate you they are just oblivious to the rest of the universe.
5. Yes there are more cars in the parking lot with handicapped placards than without, and yes there are few if any actual people in the store with actual wheelchairs, and no, most of the people in the electric carts are not just 500 lbs. Most are however lifelong chain smokers that need to conserve their energy at least until they can get outside and have a smoke.
6. On the subject of Walmart, the absolute BEST TIME to shop there is after Church on Sunday. It's like a graveyard, the isles are so empty you could roll a bowling ball down them without hitting a thing. On the RARE occasions when you do encounter a near death collision the psycho 35 yr old woman with 4 kids and or grandkids and or great grandkids that almost killed you will be polite and friendly...hon.
7. Oh yeah, back to the smokers. Not sure if it's encouraged or required here but don't be offended if you're looked down on if you don't partake. In fact if you plan on working it's a pretty good idea to take up the habit. As many employers will give you a 15 minute smoke break every 30 minutes and if your one of the lung worshippers that doesn't partake you will be expected to take up the slack.
8. If you're stupid enough to attempt driving here THAT"S ON YOU! Yes, if you're going to wimp out and only drive 10 miles over the speed limit there will INSTANTLY be a LARGE, LIFTED 4DR FULLSIZE PICKUP literally touching your rear bumper while hand signaling that OU is NUMBER ONE!! These aren't the worse drivers in earth, those live just north of us in Kansas where they all learn to drive on combines. *Yes, turn signals are available in Oklahoma but are optional NOT standard equipment.
9. If you find your self in a giant traffic snarl in one of our metro areas do not be at all concerned. At the end of the two hour period when you finally reach the cause of the bottleneck it will be either A. nothing whatsoever or B. an empty cardboard box on the shoulder. *in rare cases there can be large traffic jams in rural areas, this is always caused by the person at the front of the traffic counting the number of cows in the pasture next to the highway. When you reach that point please count as quickly as possible.
10. Lastly if you wish to assimilate here please learn the local dialect. I know up north (which is referred to as "back east" for some reason even if it's North Dakota) words like "beer" have one syllable, but as a barkeep informed me upon my arrival, down here it's pronounced "beeeeeeeeeeer" and actually has THREE syllables. There are many one syllable words however like: "shouldn't,wouldn't, couldn't" etc. etc.
Well that's about all I can think of right off the bat, welcome to my adopted home., and one other thing, I "wouldn't" ever wanna live anywhere else. Sweet Home Oklahoma, GO OU!!!
