General life question

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TwoShoots

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Does your wife and children appreciate the sacrifices that you have made for their betterment? The last couple of years I have made some changes to my life insurance policies that will drastically benefit one person, and not my immediate family.

Do they know them? We're a big, open family so we talk about everything. Yes, they know what sacrifices I've made. I *try* to tell them what I'm doing, and WHY, because without the why it's all just hot air. Do they appreciate it? Sometimes. I think they're not supposed to appreciate it just yet. They're just supposed to accept and know the facts behind it, then once they're out they'll think back on these times of me being gone or putting them through trials and extra classes so they can get a jump start on life, and hopefully think "Sure am glad my dad did that".

My oldest appreciates me and has said as much. She's off in college now and has the world by the tail. My youngest is just now getting in middle school, and my middle is learning to drive. The bottom two aren't as appreciative now, more of a "can I do ____? Awww dang it" kind of attitude. And if they're asked to do anything it's always "ugh", but that's how kids are. You live with it, correct it when it's too much, and hope to raise good adults.

Once they're adults, THEN you see what you made. Are they over 20? Ok, how'd they turn out? That's when you judge them.
 

Dmc707

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I WANT THAT!!!!!!


Unfortunately, our goobermint has made it almost impossible for a "Leave it to Beaver" scenario to exist. It takes 2 incomes to get by.


To

I haven’t seen an episode in perhaps 40 years, - but what exactly did Ward Cleaver do?


Seems like there was lots of lounging, ceremoniously taking off suit coats, smoking pipes and reading the paper with legs crossed like a girl. —- the Beav was perpetually between 8-10 years old and Wally was 15’ish?
Doing the math, Ward should’ve been between the age of 35 - 45, not gallivanting around like a 64 y/o fartknocker


I also enjoy the shows where whenever the gent gets home, there is ice and a carafe of bourbon waiting on the sideboard perpetually a’la Bewitched

Or how about Family Affair? “French!!! Get me a drink!” - why does a 53 year old bachelor alcoholic have a live in butler?
 

Veritas

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Do you appreciate all they put up with with you being their husband and spouse with that attitude?

I can’t imagine gauging “if my family appreciates” my God given role as their provider and protector. It’s not even a factor in what I do each day whether that be paying $30K or more a year for private Christian school and camps for the boys or being the one that always makes sure the cars have gas (my wife hasn’t pumped gas in over 15 years).

I don’t mean to be harsh but as a reality check since you asked the question on a public forum, if your family is not thriving look inward first. Their perceived shortcoming are very often really our failures in leadership.
 

BillM

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My wife, yes. She gets it and I truly believe she understands and has kept her end of the "deal of marriage". I probably make 80-90% of the family income but that doesn't matter. She has other contributions to the family which I could never do and she knows what I have done and will do in the future.

My adult children, nope. Not at all and that is why I am going to die broke. We have saved very hard to have a great retirement when that day comes, I am hoping to die at a ripe old age the day before I go broke.

Suggestion: I have told my kids that plan. I suggest you do the same so there is not a surprise when you take the dirt nap.
My dad always said, "Being of sound mind, at least, I spent it all."

I didn't make it home for his funeral. I'd already gotten my inheritance from him in 1985, and had been home a couple of times in the years after my youngest was born in 1997. I couldn't afford to drive, and didn't have a vehicle reliable enough to make the trip. He passed in 2014. I stayed in touch by phone, but home was a thousand miles away. Or right here in the OKC metro.
 

THAT Gurl

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Do you appreciate all they put up with with you being their husband and spouse with that attitude?

I can’t imagine gauging “if my family appreciates” my God given role as their provider and protector. It’s not even a factor in what I do each day whether that be paying $30K or more a year for private Christian school and camps for the boys or being the one that always makes sure the cars have gas (my wife hasn’t pumped gas in over 15 years).

I don’t mean to be harsh but as a reality check since you asked the question on a public forum, if your family is not thriving look inward first. Their perceived shortcoming are very often really our failures in leadership.
I have done this regularly throughout my life since my mid-30s. Has it made me a better person? Most definitely. Do I still get peeved when "someone" doesn't acknowledge my contributions. Well, yeah ... It's one of the less honorable qualities of the human condition, I think. Needing validation for doing the right thing.

I also think that certain parenting styles promote this need. It's how some of us are conditioned to see ourselves as loved and respected -- through what others acknowledge, not just what we know internally. That is a horribly difficult cycle to break in one's self. I know from personal experience.

I have a hard time being too rough on anyone who feels unappreciated. But I will also acknowledge that some personal accountability is ALWAYS a factor in emotions.
 

turkeyrun

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Reminds me of my son.

His senior year he turned 18 on April 15 dropped out of school, got married to a crackhead, maxed out an emergency credit card I gave him, and disappeared for about 6 months.

This was after he’d been a really great kid.

He finally got his full of the broad and dumped her. He’s been back to being a great kid/man ever since.

Man that chapter was rough on me.
At least he got his fill and returned improved.
 

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