Stupid Attorney Questions

[KillShot]

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis,does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

WITNESS: How would I know?


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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty -- much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with 'a male'..

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.


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And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive - and practicing law.

 

[andrsnsm]

Wow, JB Books is gonna really dislike you.

 

[JB Books]

Wow, JB Books is gonna really dislike you.

On the contrary, I am just wondering how got transcripts of my examinations of witnesses?

 

[jfssms]

Thanks,what a great read.

 

[dennishoddy]

On the contrary, I am just wondering how got transcripts of my examinations of witnesses?

I plead guilty

 

[orangecrush1007]

Thanks, u made me laugh.

 

[ghostrider]

Oh I got one that will beat that! When I was in School studying to be a Paralegal, we worked on a case concerning a would be Pervert at a Circle K on the south side of OKC. He came up to the counter, whipped it out so to speak and had a can of beans that he put on the counter. The clerk, an older lady proceeded to attack him with his can he placed on a counter and she hit him in that particular area. Well, the guy actually tried to sue Circle K and the clerk. One idiot in class had the audacity to ask if it would stand up in court! There's always one in every crowd, lol!

 

[GOTOGUY]

You know, 90% of lawyers give the other 10% a bad name.

 

[Hipshot]

Great read, LMAO thanks

 

[HMFIC]

lol too funny.