Tahoe Massacres

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zork

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The Tahoe Massacres

Dateline: 1/23/2014; Roches Mills, Texas


The last school bell rings at 3PM. It was Friday and the 4th-6th grade students hurried out of the building into the staging areas for the bus pickup. With all the noise, few noticed the sound of a big V-8 accelerating towards the school. Until it crashed through the fence, jumped the curb, and smashed into the crowds of happy children.

You can imagine the chaos as the three-ton mass of steel spins around flinging screaming children through the air. Then there is the thunder as the Tahoe's 30 gallon gas tank explodes in flames splashing liquid fire on some survivors. A further explosion makes the truck into a fireball. Time from start to finish, less that a minute.

Now, three hours after this act of violence, 31 children and 5 adults are dead. 25 more victims are in the hospitals. And this is the third time this year a Chevrolet Tahoe has crashed into groups of school children causing heinous damage.

How to stop this carnage? We must immediately register all Tahoe owners under threat of prosecution. We must immediately limit Tahoe gasoline tanks to 10 gallons capacity. The 5 gallon gasoline cans carried in the truck that detonate and provide further destruction must be banned now. Only 1 gallon gas cans should be allowed. And no more large “custom” tires on the Tahoe. Only tires in the original specifications will be allowed under threat of arrest and jail time.

It's time we did something to stop the Tahoe massacres.

Sam Sneat-ABCC News, New York
 

TwoForFlinching

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lol... Inevitably, someone will chime in with something along the lines of "Chevy didn't design the Tahoe to take lives. Argument invalid."

That's the one I get all the time.

Now I'm on the whole "What's your favorite food?...... It's bad for you and leads to heart disease, they should ban it."

Turns out my patrons are serious about the junk they eat
 

Keyser328

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Oddly, I was expecting a Donner party comment.


Technically, Super Glue was developed in an attempt to create a new extra clear plastic for gun sights. Instead it is now used to seal incisions and glue hard hats to steel girders. The "original purpose" argument is moot.
 

338Shooter

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While they're at it, they should go ahead and ban anything with an automatic transmission. That would solve all their problems.

That would solve a lot of problems. Take most of the women off the road! Sorry BB, me love you long time....and I bet you can drive a stick like a real woman. And no that was not meant to be vulgar.
 

ez bake

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I typically use the Chevy Impala / NASCAR comparison (with the "That's a race-car, it has no purpose on the streets, why does anyone need a race car") but I like this argument.

Kudos on the low-cap gasoline mags and after-market tires. I'm going to start incorporating that into my analogy to show how stupid anti-gun folks are.
 

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