Bad Decision

[Grant]

Most of the people who dog marriages either:

A.) rushed into it
B.) did it for the wrong reasons

Do it because you truly found the person you want to grow old with, that you love, and that you want to share everything with.

It will be loads of work, but thats why its considered a vocation. Anything thats worth anything, you have to work for.

To me, divorce is like suicide. It's the easy way out. (biggest difference is I can think of reason where I would stand behind a divorce; abuse, etc).

Good points WMD.

It's interesting how society has changed from divorcing being so wrong to so accepted. So many people enter a marriage thinking that they have an out, divorce. You can't start something out with the mindset of just giving up if times get rough. As said above, I can accept it for abuse or cheating but people need to put some effort into it.

By the way I've been married for 10yrs as of last July.

 

[Glocktogo]

You will get out of a marriage exactly what you put into it. Part of that input comes before you say "I Do". If you see that the person's parents act like you'd want him to act and he respects other people, you will have better odds of success. I've heard it said that the first sign of how he will treat you is how he treats the wait staff in a restauraunt.

Once you're married, you both need to put approximately the same amount of effort into the marriage or one of you will feel short changed. That can lead to hard feelings, which can ultimately lead to resentment. Resentment will be the death of a marriage. The key to avoiding this is open communications between you.

Good luck!

 

[MaddSkillz]

Remember, at one point in your life you loved this person enough to commit to them for the rest of your life.

It's not always about love, it's about a commitment. In today's world, less and less people are capable of something like that, IMO.

 

[onearmedman]

I love marriage! So much that I've done it 3 times. Too impulsive and not picky enough. Decisions at 18 are way different than at 40. Are you going to want kids? Shouldn't be any shortage of men around your age, but they will have exes, kids and baggage.
Who says you have to get "married"? The state issued license carries no warranty. If you find what you hope is keeper, go for it. If he cheats on you or raises a hand to you, give him one to the hip and move on...

 

[TerryMiller]

A lot of good advice here, from both genders. But, let me add the perspective of one who has been married for almost 42 years. (Next Christmas.)

1. Commitment - Marry for life and make sure that you keep that in mind.

2. Commitment - Each of you should ALWAYS be prepared to give 100%, not half.

3. Trust - If for some reason that you feel the need for a pre-nuptial agreement, run like h*ll. If there isn't enough trust in one's partner-to-be for EVERYTHING, then there will always be doubts, even for the little things.

4. Compassion - While every marriage will have problems, and anyone that tells you otherwise is one to NOT marry because they aren't being truthful, always be prepared to forgive.

5. Love - While we tend to speak to a potential mate in a way to express love, I found that when my wife and I got married, we both LIKED each other. Love comes with time, so unless you've known your potential partner for a considerable amount of time, you'll need to be patient for the love to kick in.

6. Interest - Believe it or not, you don't both have to be interested in the same things. My wife has tolerated my desire for the outdoors and photography, but it was only last year that she took enough interest herself to buy a good camera and start doing what I love doing.

7. Good times - it may take time, but you will at some point realize that being together is more important that WHAT IT IS THAT YOU DO while together. Over the years, we have really enjoyed our lives together and are looking forward to many more years to come.

8. Family - Even without kids, a couple can have the feeling of family, prepared to defend their partners at the drop of a hat (and drop the hat themselves sometimes), and really enjoy being together. When kids come into the mix, it brings mixed emotions because at times one wishes that there weren't kids to interfere with one's own desires. But, all in all, they are also a blessing.

Good luck with your future, and my it be as blessed as my life has been.
.

 

[Blinocac200sx]

This sounds like a good time to tell my story. So there I was, a single guy, kinda lonely. I had dated a few women, but most weren't interested in me, and none were interested enough to get into a relationship. There was this one particular girl I was interested in, so I talked to my friend, and asked her to do some recon for me. She obliged. Meanwhile, she asked me to return the favor regarding a guy she was diggin. I said "sure". Sometime during that, my cat died, and I became that much lonelier, and so my friend decided to hang out with me more. She could see I was one down dude. Well, turned out the people we were interested in, weren't interested in us. Some time passed, and as we were spending more and more time together, we started to realize that maybe we should start a relationship. And we did. We just got married last month. It is amazing. I love her and her daughter, and we love spending time with each other so very much. She used to have this thing about having alone time, but since we've been together, she gets over the need to be alone really quick We miss each other by the time we get to our cars on the way to work. She really is my other half.

 

[Perplexed]

so my friend decided to hang out with me more. She could see I was one down dude. Well, turned out the people we were interested in, weren't interested in us. Some time passed, and as we were spending more and more time together, we started to realize that maybe we should start a relationship. And we did. We just got married last month.

That's just so... arbitrary. Arranged marriages FTW

 

[inactive]

I knew my wife informally via mutual friends since around 1997 or so when we were high school. We started dating in July of 2001, and moved in together in the Fall of 2004. Got married in October 2007. First child was born May 2009. Expecting our second child in February 2011.

My advice? Don't get in ANY hurry. Make sure you have things in order before you say "I Do" (i.e. I waited until my wife finished her degree before I proposed, as we were both 1st generation graduates and didn't want either of us to be distracted).

Finally, be transparent and honest about your finances! You may not need a joint checking account (my wife and I have separate), but you DO need one budget. Financial problems and different opinions on money will drive people apart more than any other differences. Opposites attract in many ways, but if you cannot agree on money you will be doomed.

 

[inactive]

That's just so... arbitrary. Arranged marriages FTW

If I remember correctly he was celibate until his marriage to top it off!

 

[Werewolf]

I got nothing to say that somebody, somewhere will not miscontrue so ...

I am happy for you guys.

Guess Dr.THW was right ... GC and I are very much the exception to the rule (and I will be forever grateful for that!).

May I join you in being your kind of exception.

Met my wife in sep '78. Moved in together in Dec '78. Married in Dec 79. My mother had no use for her, avoided her and barely spoke to her. Claimed she knew a gold digger when she saw one. Dad was ehhhh <shoulder shrug>.

Married happily almost 31 years.

Secret...
Beats me' we've had our ups and downs but are still together. Raised 3 daughters to adult hood and are now raising a 3 year old son. Life is great.