I wouldn't get to worked up about. Obviously it's a huge decision, but it's not the marriage itself that causes the problems. It's typically other issues that come to light or become more noticeable. My wife told me a few months ago after being married about four years that she didn't really even want to marry me in the first place. In my head I'm thinking then why did you go through with it just to twist the knife four years later... Honestly I believe it's something we probably could have worked out if we could have got into some counseling together. If you ever feel the slightest bit like things aren't great don't be to proud to do suggest counseling. From what I understand a lot of these could be curved and happiness restored with some good communication, and solving other underlying problems.
I wouldn't get to worked up about. Obviously it's a huge decision, but it's not the marriage itself that causes the problems. It's typically other issues that come to light or become more noticeable. My wife told me a few months ago after being married about four years that she didn't really even want to marry me in the first place. In my head I'm thinking then why did you go through with it just to twist the knife four years later... Honestly I believe it's something we probably could have worked out if we could have got into some counseling together. If you ever feel the slightest bit like things aren't great don't be to proud to do suggest counseling. From what I understand a lot of these could be curved and happiness restored with some good communication, and solving other underlying problems.
Good idea chenry
Also a common theme with these divorces appears that they are driven by the woman's desire to end it or the women have just gone off the deep end making the marriage impossible. Even though we are only hearing one perspective, the men seem relativity stable and willing to make the marriages work given equal cooperation from their partners.
Also a common theme with these divorces appears that they are driven by the woman's desire to end it or the women have just gone off the deep end making the marriage impossible. Even though we are only hearing one perspective, the men seem relativity stable and willing to make the marriages work given equal cooperation from their partners.
It's stuff like this that makes me think that waiting till I was 30 and had a head on my shoulders, probably wasn't so bad. My wife having been previously married, I have seen up close the ugliness of divorce, and don't want to go down that road.
That is kind of how I feel. However, I do know there we're things I was doing that wasn't helping. In my mind I didn't realize it was this serious. When she dropped it on me I was willing to do whatever to try and work it out. But, at that point she was just done. I knew the things that bothered her, but in my mind they were "little" things. Which when I kept doing them added up until she was just done, and in her mind I would never be good enough for her.
Lame sauce.
July 10th 2008 is when we got married. She told me this May she wanted a divorce, moved out in July. We're still separated. She has told me in July she was planning to file in October. We were both expecting promotions at each of our jobs in September and figured it would be easier to sort everything out that way. She has been fairly civil unless I bring up anything about trying to work things out. Civil more or less just means not texting unless there is a financial question needs addressed. I haven't seen or actually verbally talked to her since July. When she comes by the house to get stuff she does so in the middle of the day and is gone before I'm off work. At first I just wanted to work it out, but I've just been ready for it to be done for awhile now.
For you guys that aren't married, but are contemplating, do this:
Gather up all your stuff, stack it all up in your front yard in front of your house, arrange it so your most prized possessions are clearly visible, and the house is in the background. Withdraw all your money from your bank accounts and 401k's, pile that up with the rest of your stuff. Make a stack of monopoly money off to one side, that will be your future SS payments, if there is one when you get old enough to retire. Now, take a picture of it. Tear that picture in half, and stick it in your wallet. Whenever you start seriously considering getting married, take out that picture and imagine what it will be like. Guide yourself accordingly.
Gather up all your stuff, stack it all up in your front yard in front of your house, arrange it so your most prized possessions are clearly visible, and the house is in the background. Withdraw all your money from your bank accounts and 401k's, pile that up with the rest of your stuff. Make a stack of monopoly money off to one side, that will be your future SS payments, if there is one when you get old enough to retire. Now, take a picture of it. Tear that picture in half, and stick it in your wallet. Whenever you start seriously considering getting married, take out that picture and imagine what it will be like. Guide yourself accordingly.
Dude, I'm not a counselor, but you need to end this deal. If she won't file, go file yourself. Move on. The rest of your life starts tomorrow. Live it. It's way too short to live it miserably, and that I do know, from a similar experience. The longer this drags on, the more it's gonna hurt.
Good luck to you my friend. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but when it happens, it needs to be quick, because it very rarely is painless.
If necessary I might have to go that route. I just didn't want to get a divorce in the first place. She has been telling me October since july. I'll probably look into if it goes past October.
This sounds exactly like my story, she dumped it on me the week after we got back from vacation the first week of July. She was moving the last week of july and I helped her move - Didn't want others in my house helping her. We have been civil and she even continued to come over and do my laundry if I would let her do hers and Zachs. I was a fool and let her for about 4 weeks then told her to find a laundromat. I bought new locks for the house and changed them the next day and changed the code to the overhead opener. She doesn't know yet cause she hasn't tried to come in, she always calls and asked when she can come over if she needs to get something. I'm refinancing the house now so I can afford to eat more than canned chili and rice. The house payment is currently 41% of my single income and thats dangerously high. So we are both not in a hurry, just trying to regroup and then we will settle on some cash settlement hopefully and be ready to file.
Shes having second thoughts now and part of me wants to still work it out if she will commit to counseling to address her communication issue. There are things that have bothered her for some time apparently and I never knew it. I used to tell my friends I had the coolest wife ever because she never complained about anything I did...well, that apparently didn't mean there weren't things that bothered her, she just couldn't confront me and tell me. I'm 100% sure shes not seeing anyone else so to me our problem is fairly easy to fix if shes willing to try. To this day she hasn't talked to me and given me a solid reason for her unhappiness.
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