Got a lot going on, could use some life advice?

[wawazat]

Can't speak for others, but it's never been an issue with me and my wife. If both people are responsible then I don't see the issue in choosing to do so. We do have one joint account in addition to our separate accounts.

My wife and I are the same way. We have a common account that covers all of our bills, groceries, family night outings, etc. We each pay our own car payments if any, car insurance, etc. We both have expensive hobbies that have caused issues with partners in the past, so our personal accounts are our individual fun money accounts.

We were both financially sound coming into this and already had our investments for retirement in place. We went over everything and have no financial secrets from each other. We have access to all accounts, but have no need to look at each others as long as we are both well and above ground. It provides us each with a little bit of freedom from judgement when I buy another gun or more parts for a car that runs perfectly fine the way it is. I know there are plenty of situations where this would be less than ideal but it has worked for us even several years before we got married but cohabitated.

We do thoroughly discuss all big purchases even if we are paying for it out of our fun money accounts. I think that part is important so the other person knows it has all been budgeted for and will not impact our joint funding.

 

[tRidiot]

Sure... works fine for some. But I've seen lots of situations where it is an issue. Everything is individual, which I why I said it can contribute. I don't think it's an absolute no no, but it's something that makes it "easier" to walk away in some instances.

To each their own, if it works, it works.

 

[John6185]

I'm of the opinion keeping 'separate' money and bank accounts is one of the factors that lead to divorces. I disagree with that advice. You're all in, or you're not.

I agree, having a Prenuptial agreement and separate accounts indicates that one is not really sure of the marriage and if one isn't sure-perhaps marriage isnt' for you. It sows the seeds of distrust and could lead to hiding things...
On to your property-have you ever sold something and later wish you hadn't? It will no longer be within your control or ownership and someone else will own it and do as they please with whatever you sold-in this case it is property. Obviously, you are short on money presently and that may improve but if you sell your home and the "arrangement" doesn't work out, where are you going to live? The money from the sale of your property won't last forever and is easily spent and it will soon be gone and you'll be left holding an empty bag. Think hard on this, once it's gone-it's gone never to return. I want to sell my home and move also but I'm not selling until I have another home in my name because land and homes are scarce at present.
They say that marriage is a 50-50 arrangement but would one want to get into a situation that both sides are only putting in 50%? It should be 100% on both sides for it to work.

 

[JD8]

My wife and I are the same way. We have a common account that covers all of our bills, groceries, family night outings, etc. We each pay our own car payments if any, car insurance, etc. We both have expensive hobbies that have caused issues with partners in the past, so our personal accounts are our individual fun money accounts.

We were both financially sound coming into this and already had our investments for retirement in place. We went over everything and have no financial secrets from each other. We have access to all accounts, but have no need to look at each others as long as we are both well and above ground. It provides us each with a little bit of freedom from judgement when I buy another gun or more parts for a car that runs perfectly fine the way it is. I know there are plenty of situations where this would be less than ideal but it has worked for us even several years before we got married but cohabitated.

We do thoroughly discuss all big purchases even if we are paying for it out of our fun money accounts. I think that part is important so the other person knows it has all been budgeted for and will not impact our joint funding.

We are similar in this manner, we lived together for several years before getting married. Nothing really changed after that. Sometimes she buys dinner, sometimes I do. I pay the big stuff, she pays all the small stuff I will forget to pay. She's never said one word about what I buy but I don't go overboard. If I die she's got access to everything.

One thing we don't fight about.....that many others do.....is money.

 

[bobfuente]

Don't get married.

 

[John6185]

Don't get married.

But then you don't have anyone to argue or fight with...

 

[FullAuto]

I am a person that owns rental homes. I closed (bought) 3 more yesterday. That being said, you should sell your home. Don't make it into a rental. Without the proceeds from selling it, you really aren't in that great of a financial situation. I've seen way too many part-time landlords fail. The most typical is the people that have upgraded houses and keep their old house and try to become landlords when they really aren't cut out for it. Are there success stories? Sure. But these are a much smaller minority. Most of the failures aren't bragging to their friends about their poor financial decisions. Of course you're going to hear about the good ones.

The market is strong right now. If it was your primary home within the past two years, you can cash out tax free. This is the correct decision for you in your current financial position.

Once you have the cash, don't put it into your girlfriend's home. Take your time and renovate it together with funds the couple has made together.

I am a firm believer that 98% of people that have financial problems don't have financial problems, they have discipline problems. Having your windfall placed into a savings or money market account may not be the best decision for you. You need to be honest with yourself here.

I am not against owning rentals. Obviously I think it's a great financial decision for a very specific type of person. The overwhelming majority isn't cut out for the life. Cash out (tax free) and walk.

 

[sedona]

80% of the people that rent a home aren't going to treat it like the owner would.My grandparents rented homes and apartments for years and the majority of the time they spent 1000 -10,000 dollars after people moved out.It was a real headache for them.Sell it and be done with it.

 

[OHJEEZE]

I'm of the opinion keeping 'separate' money and bank accounts is one of the factors that lead to divorces. I disagree with that advice. You're all in, or you're not.

1) My opinion is in the 21st century the law swings too far to one side in favor of the woman to not have a prenup, a agreement to whatever you own, you own, what ever they own, they own, no matter what!

Remember this is 2021, not 1821, and the chances of your marriage lasting is not in your favor!

2) Are you religious? If not skip the marriage altogether! You need not invite the state into your relationship! PERIOD!

If you do believe in God, skip the marriage license, because after all marriage is only needed to make the union in God's eyes.

There are preachers that will marry without a marriage license.

https://comingintheclouds.org/christian-resources/family/marriage/no-marriage-license/

3) Skip the dream home, and if you build, build what you'll actually need to live!

A dream home wil just get you more in the hole to the local property tax collector.

A punishment if you will for owning property! The punisher tax is what I call it!

Invest the money that you DID NOT spend on your dream home 3 ways.

A) invest for growth, stocks, etc!
B) invest in case of emergency.
C) invest in some sort of business you can profit from.

You said you wanted some land too, so I would also recommend some sort of farming activity!

Good luck and enjoy!

Ps, stay away from places that have city utilites like water, sewer, garbage!

Generally they are always bills that come whether you use them or not, and the city does not care if you get kicked in life and are down on your luck.

 

[kirk1978]

Sale the house, invest in guns or an old (awesome) car....have you seen the increase in price of these things lately??