Need advice between a rock and a hard spot

[Dr. HK]

To make a long story short I have a brother and he smokes cigarettes, drinks alcohol (his main issue), and has been in a series of arrests. His arrest as of this weekend was driving without a licence, insurance, and expired tags. His previous arrest and his downward spiral was two (2) DWIs.

Unfortunately my mother has been an enabler and is not longer able or willing to do so. So he is getting kicked out of his apartment at the end of the month with no money, and no place to live. He has no wife, girl friend, or children.

He has a job but does not have any way of getting there (new castle) because he does not have a car (it was impounded).

Can you please tell me how he would be able to find a place to stay like a homeless shelter? Or get help?

 

[BIG_MIKE2005]

Man that is a ruff situation but I believe now days the only way to get them help is if they are willing to accept help. I know there are halfway house type things around Tulsa where they can move into but have to attend AA meetings & what not while living there. But short of him sitting in jail & goin through a forced detox/treatment center it's gonna be up to him. If he isn't ready to straighten up there is little you can do for him except being a good brother. I don't think there is anywhere left you can take family members against their will for treatment/housing.

Maybe reach out to the judge or lawyer involved in the case, hell even the DA possibly & see if maybe they can get him into a place to help him out. sometimes if a person is willing to go through treatment they will send you there instead of to jail or back out on the streets.

 

[reddog1]

He is not going to get help for himself unless he hits his bottom.

Unfourtunatley, if you help him, you will be enabling as well.

I send prayers.

Sometimes that what it takes to realize enough is enough.

I wish your Brother well.

 

[farmer17]

There is a VERY nice homeless shelter in downtown OKC that even has an indoor basketball court, and they give you breakfast and dinner and require you to be gone all day working or looking for work. Your brother will have to ride the bus to work but that won't kill him.

 

[Dr. HK]

That is the thing. I told him I couldn't help him if he isnt helping himself. If he was doing the right thing, I would help. My mother keeps bailing him out of jail. She has bought him 3-4 cars over the past couple of years. Paid for his car insurance to get the tags, and car registered in his name. The police already have him dialed in Midwest City. So they pull him over he goes to jail.

He is a good worker, he has held down a job, his issue is he pays for cigs/alcohol/partying first before his obligations of rent/car insurance. He has a job if he could just get there. Unfortunately I told him his only choice is to try and keep the apartment, find a job within walking distance like Home Depot, etc.

 

[reddog1]

Sorry to see you have to go through this man.

 

[Dr. HK]

There is a VERY nice homeless shelter in downtown OKC that even has an indoor basketball court, and they give you breakfast and dinner and require you to be gone all day working or looking for work. Your brother will have to ride the bus to work but that won't kill him.

The funny thing, is he has excuses for everything " Oh there is no Bus routes in MWC, Oh I need to get paid at least $14 an hour to survive, Home depot is a hiring racket it takes at least 6 months to get hired there".

 

[Dr. HK]

Sorry to see you have to go through this man.

It is sad to have to feel the pain seeing him go through this. However I my mother is the one mainly in this, in the sense of time, $, being put out. I just offer advice and try to encourage him. HE thinks small and in a box when it comes to his life, and that is it. No doors out, no windows to dream, but in a box. I said…you get what you settle for. He is happy having a cig to smoke, and relaxing being a loner.

 

[BIG_MIKE2005]

That is the thing. I told him I couldn't help him if he isnt helping himself. If he was doing the right thing, I would help. My mother keeps bailing him out of jail. She has bought him 3-4 cars over the past couple of years. Paid for his car insurance to get the tags, and car registered in his name. The police already have him dialed in Midwest City. So they pull him over he goes to jail.

He is a good worker, he has held down a job, his issue is he pays for cigs/alcohol/partying first before his obligations of rent/car insurance. He has a job if he could just get there. Unfortunately I told him his only choice is to try and keep the apartment, find a job within walking distance like Home Depot, etc.

I know its a long shot but do any of you know a place hiring in MWC? Again he is a hard worker, and shows up to work. He is just unable to drive.

Sounds like he honestly needs to grow up & be an adult. Possibly forced to do so by sitting in jail going through treatment there. It sounds like weather he is a good worker or not he cannot handle having his own money and cannot control himself. The only way to remove his ability right now is to remove the money & the only way to remove the money & him not be homeless is him sitting in jail or a halfway house for rehab patients.

I'm not tryin to sound cruel, so please don't take offense. I have had a few similar situation in my family over the years & it's extremely hard to deal with. The options I'm giving are options we had to try for our family members as well. Some people just lack the direction or willpower to change their lives. and since you said he always makes excuses I'll say he lacks the willpower to be responsible. Which also means he will most likely have to be forced to see the light & change.

 

[Dr. HK]

I agree with you. This is what my sister and I say. Though my mom has historically said he is her child and she cant see him suffer. BTW he is 33 years old. I think times have changed this time because she said she doesnt have the $, and he cant live at her house this time. He is still going to court for his DWI and so if he doesnt make it there, and doesnt have the $ to pay for his fines then he will end up in jail. I think it may do good for him. However there is a dark side to it as well. He could become a hardened criminal, or be raped, etc.

Sounds like he honestly needs to grow up & be an adult. Possibly forced to do so by sitting in jail going through treatment there. It sounds like weather he is a good worker or not he cannot handle having his own money and cannot control himself. The only way to remove his ability right now is to remove the money & the only way to remove the money & him not be homeless is him sitting in jail or a halfway house for rehab patients.

I'm not tryin to sound cruel, so please don't take offense. I have had a few similar situation in my family over the years & it's extremely hard to deal with. The options I'm giving are options we had to try for our family members as well. Some people just lack the direction or willpower to change their lives. and since you said he always makes excuses I'll say he lacks the willpower to be responsible. Which also means he will most likely have to be forced to see the light & change.