How to deal with a Divorce and kids

[BadgeBunny]

If you still want to have a relationship with both children then calm down. Start by not calling your wife names or making deragatory comments. Get your emotions in check. Men and women cheat. It happens. It's not a good thing. But it's also not the end of the world. My ex-cheated, we got divorced, then she got some Jesus. We are still friends. She just made a bad choice. Life goes on. That's the best advice I can give you, calm down, think rationally. If you want to have a relationship with your daughter, which after 10 years she is, then you're still going to have to have a relationship with your wife.

This is the single best piece of advmice I've ever read in the history of the internet ...

Ray, I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. I can't give you much in the way of advice, but if you wanna know maybe why she might feel the way she does then you can PM me and we can chat. I dunno what it is about women (myself included) -- sometimes what you have still leaves you feeling a but "empty" and "lost" even when you KNOW in your heart of hearts you've got the best thing you'll ever find standing right there in front of you. I dunno, , maybe some of you guys do stuff like that too and I just don't realize it.

But anyway, if you think I can help don't hesitate to shoot me a PM ...

 

[beast1989]

I know how it feels, the heartache that you feel in these times can be so great that you wish you didn't have a heart at all. This next week or two is going to be difficult and this situation is going to be running through your mind continuously, focus on handling this the right way for you and your kids. Don't continue to beat this relationship like a dead horse, most of us have done that and it doesn't work. After 10yrs of marriage and this happens, you know where she stands and it's not next to you.

There are plenty of women out there who would love to have a guy like you, you just have to go out there and find them. Trust me, the diamond in the rough is worth digging for.

 

[JJEH]

...how do I deal with this?

BTDT.

I can only speak to my daughter via skype. Unfortunately her mother is right there and hears everything we talk about.
Luckily, she comes visiting us in a couple weeks.

You won't have any chance to "raise" your daughter but you both have custody of your son. Therefore you will be abe to be in his life.

The only way - believe me - is to kepp your head up and look forward. Talk to your kids as much as possible.
Don't talk bad about the mother. Never.
Don't try to "buy" the love of your kids. (All presents I bought my daughter end up in file 13 sooner or later)
Talk to your kids' mother ONLY about the kids... not what happened in the past.

Stay safe, seek help from your friends and DON'T start drinking!

 

[inactive]

I haven't been through it personally, but I am helping my BIL with it right now. So many posts hit the nail on the head. JJEH speaks volumes with his words. Take the high road with your actions and words, make the KIDS the focus of ALL things in the separation, and keep taking care of yourself (physically, mentally).

 

[reddog1]

Props to YukonJack for the awesome advice!!

I am really sorry to hear about this man. This sucks very bad.

Just put 100% effort out to continue your great relationship with your kids, and dont badmouth mom to the kiddos, be the adult.

Again, I am very sorry for your sorrow. Hang in there Bro.

 

[RaysZ71]

Thanks everyone for all the comments and support. I slept maybe 2 hours last night in the bunk bed with my son. He asked me if I was ok. That made me cry. I dont even know how to tell them. I called an attorney today and he said 1700 for everytthing. Is that reasonable or is there someone else out there better priced?

Also I'm really worried because my crappy half has back problems and she's on 10 different hard medications. At home she always passes out soon after she takes them. That has me worried about the kids
when they'll be alone with her.

 

[RaysZ71]

Props to YukonJack for the awesome advice!!

I am really sorry to hear about this man. This sucks very bad.

Just put 100% effort out to continue your great relationship with your kids, and dont badmouth mom to the kiddos, be the adult.

Again, I am very sorry for your sorrow. Hang in there Bro.

Thanks. This sucks big time.

 

[RaysZ71]

This is the single best piece of advmice I've ever read in the history of the internet ...

Ray, I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. I can't give you much in the way of advice, but if you wanna know maybe why she might feel the way she does then you can PM me and we can chat. I dunno what it is about women (myself included) -- sometimes what you have still leaves you feeling a but "empty" and "lost" even when you KNOW in your heart of hearts you've got the best thing you'll ever find standing right there in front of you. I dunno, , maybe some of you guys do stuff like that too and I just don't realize it.

But anyway, if you think I can help don't hesitate to shoot me a PM ...

I will take you up on that later. Thank you.

 

[OKfella]

+1 for taking the high road, even though it kills you here and there to be the adult.

Some wise words being offered in this thread, and I know we all feel for you man.

 

[JJEH]

Thanks everyone for all the comments and support. I slept maybe 2 hours last night in the bunk bed with my son. He asked me if I was ok. That made me cry. I dont even know how to tell them. I called an attorney today and he said 1700 for everytthing. Is that reasonable or is there someone else out there better priced?

Also I'm really worried because my crappy half has back problems and she's on 10 different hard medications. At home she always passes out soon after she takes them. That has me worried about the kids
when they'll be alone with her.

I don't know if $1,700.- is okay.

But what I know is that you have to be patient. Wait and see what happens with her taking pills and not being able taking care of the kids.
If so, call CPS. Call them once, twice, whenever it appears she might not be able to supervise the kids.
When the kids are older they can decide where they wanna live.

Tell them the truth, but word it so they can understand. Cut out the cheating part.
Just say that there was a time where mommy and daddy were in love and lived together and that this time is not there anymore.
You know what I mean... I cannot word it exactly how I would like to (Sorry for my english).

It also depends on where she lives. Make sure you put everything in the divorce paper, like school related stuff, doctor and medication, visitation holidays, etc.

With that in writing she cannot tell you "no, not today... maybe next week" blah blah blah... Or put the kids on medication like she wants to (for whatever reason), switching schools and try to break you apart from your kids.

The thing you have to look for is called parental alienation syndrome!
Make sure you get as much in writing as possible!

BTDT... my ex. wife is evil and I'm not kidding!