How to deal with a Divorce and kids

[Clay]

I feel your pain man, ironically my wife dropped the bomb on me yesturday that shes moving out. shes not happy and wants more out of life? I was fat dumb and happy the last 9 years and thought she was happy too. She didnt mention divorce, just said she needed to leave for awhile and already has an apartment lined up. Shes staying in town so the 14 yo boy (my stepson) doesnt have to leave his school. We work in the same building too.
This is the worst pain I have ever known. I have'nt eaten in 36 hours and slept very little. Its like my guts are being riped out through my ass.
I dont know what to do either. We have built a beautiful life together with a new house, property, a shop that we both use, garden, we are very near being debt free too....she has everything she wants but shes not happy. I dont get it.
Did I mention she turns 40 next month? I've heard this is a bad age for a woman.

 

[JB Books]

$1700 is VERY cheap for a divorce lawyer.

I'm sorry for what you and Clay are going through.

I'm sorry for what many of you seem to have gone through.

Threads like this are humbling and make me thankful for the relationship I have with my wife.

 

[JJEH]

We have built a beautiful life together with a new house, property, a shop that we both use, garden, we are very near being debt free too....she has everything she wants but shes not happy. I dont get it.
Did I mention she turns 40 next month? I've heard this is a bad age for a woman.

Money alone doesn't always make happy. I had good jobs back in Germany and I could even afford to live in a house with ocean view. Look up "List Sylt" with google maps. I also had a E220CDI as business car. 5min walk to the beach. I thought that would be great for the family. Only thing I forgot to think about... we couldn't stand each other. I was not the person she wanted me to be, and she was not the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Period.

40 is a dangerous age, indeed. Some people wanna see "what else" they can accomplish or just wanna see "what else is out there..."

That's life and we all have to handle it somehow...

 

[Clay]

Money alone doesn't always make happy.

Oh I understand and didnt mean to make it sound like that. We had a lot of love between us - or so I thought. I cant imagine loving anyone else this much. And I showed her that love a lot. Maybe not enough. My opinion is she will be very hard pressed to find a man like me. They are out there but most of them will want her to leave in the morning I'm afraid. On the flip side there is a line of women who would love to be where she left off with me. And thats nothing against you guys. I'd bet most of you are married and successful and thats what shes going to find, lots of great men who are taken already.

 

[elwoodtrix]

It's a business deal now, protect yourself and your assets.
It's the lawyers job to be the dirty guy, let him do his job.
let the other guy "sleep" in the bed they made for a while. I know you raised her but it's still his responsibility. Also, she'll never forget what you are and what you've done... that's a cool feeling
She totally lost respect for you the last 2 times you forgave her.

you don't sound happy and you probably want to be, well, the thing is, you WILL be

Hang in there man

 

[RaysZ71]

Well shes not a hateful person and she said she will agree to anything to make this as smooth as possible. So im not worried about that, I have pictures and emails between them two as proof saved on various items just in case but I will not use that in court unless I absolutely need to. I don't want the kids to see that or be put thru that mess. I just want to see them as much as possible. I told her that she can drop them off anytime if she has things to do or whatever. I talked to the attorney and Im also filling for joint custody.

 

[Clay]

To the OP, I wasnt meaning to hijack your thread, just offer my parallel situation so I know exactly how you feel.

 

[flatwins]

I can't add much other than what others have said, the best advice being to take the high road. Sometimes you literally have to bolt a smile on your face and keep focused on the important issues rather than the ones that push your hot button.

As much as you want to resort to name calling or whatever, it's not a good idea. And if kids are around, bolt that smile on and keep going.

My case is not ordinary; we closed down a 17 year marriage with 2 kids and 2 homes all on our own. Didn't use an attorney at all. We were civil with each other and even had a long hug at the courthouse after finalizing everything. We get along great and talk most everyday about kids, jobs, etc.

So to the people going through this, I do feel your pain. When the reality of the end of the marriage hit me, I couldn't breathe. I'm sure you probably feel something very similar.

The important part is that your kids still need you and they need you to focus on their future and not your past. Sometimes it's easy said than done, I know.

 

[JJEH]

Well shes not a hateful person and she said she will agree to anything to make this as smooth as possible. So im not worried about that...

Well, don't be naive. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

I can get really dirty...

My case is not ordinary; we closed down a 17 year marriage with 2 kids and 2 homes all on our own. Didn't use an attorney at all. We were civil with each other and even had a long hug at the courthouse after finalizing everything. We get along great and talk most everyday about kids, jobs, etc.

I wish I could have done that with my eW.

 

[piston10]

Get everything done and in writing with the lawyers. My ex was super nice for two years, now its been three more that she has not talked to me, yes that's a good thing, but she also turned my daughter, who is now 17 against me. I have not seen or talked to my kid in almost three years, I just mail a check and hope one day she will look and see the truth. My point is don't leave any loose ends, they sometimes can turn on you and it's better to have it all lined out before it goes south.