Parent support

[Old Fart]

I want someone to pay for mine regardless of how much I saved.

I also expect at least two decent vacations a year at someone else's expense.
And of course I want my healthcare and room/board taken care of.
I honestly don't think I'm asking too much.

 

[Billybob]

What is living in a nursing home or resident care facility so bad. A lot of these aren't free. These people use their retirement or kids money to pay for these. A lot of these home get the seniors out and about safely as well as other day to day activities.

If you've got money and in the right home they can be wonderful, if you're poor or in the wrong home it can be very different.

Investigation Reveals Failures In Protecting Oklahoma Nursing Home Residents

[Nurses who used to work at Rest Haven Nursing Home in Tulsa describe it as a house of horrors.

"There was verbal abuse, physical abuse, lots of things reported," said Rita Rodriguez, a former nurse at Rest Haven.

She says Rest Haven was an unsafe environment that, even after complaints, never got better. She listed some of the worst offenses.

"The rats, the roaches, the filth," said Rodriguez.

Rodriguez had been a nurse at Rest Haven for a couple of years when another veteran nurse, Toby Dale, began working there this year.

"I've seen patients that were covered in maggots, that you know was taken to the showers, tub area, and put into a vat of water with half a cup of bleach and dipped, kind of like a dog," said Dale.

Both nurses say Rest Haven was the worst nursing home they've ever worked in and say it should have been shut down years ago. They called the Oklahoma Impact Team after they were fired from Rest Haven, they say, for alerting the state to patient abuse.

"They really don't care about the residents," said Dale. "They just, they belittle them. They make fun of them. They talk about them. They cuss them."

"It was just a whole lot of patient abuse that never was dealt with," said Rodriguez.

Inside Rest Haven, nursing home staff told our undercover producers Rest Haven was a happy place where residents were well taken care of. But the hallways and facilities were dirty and smelly and at one point, an employee blocked off a patient room to keep our producers from looking inside.

The Reports

You don't have to go inside to see there are problems. We combed through thousands of documents on a little-known state website, where the Department of Protective Health files its investigative reports.

Complaints at Rest Haven show one resident had his hand slammed in a door on purpose and felt he was going to be "jumped" by employees. That same report shows another man was kept in involuntary seclusion because nurses said he was gay. There are numerous reports, including citizen police reports, about pain medication stolen by staff… and reported nights when staff left patients unattended and smoked pot, drank alcohol and even had sex in the parking lot...]

http://www.newson6.com/story/160401...failures-in-protecting-nursing-home-residents

 

[Billybob]

NOTE: Federal Regulations do not require State inspectors or the nursing home to notify patients and their families that a particular patient's care has been the subject of a survey violation. Even a finding of substandard care or actual harm does not require notification. Ask the nursing home administrator and your attending physician as to their policy regarding notification. In some cases you may need the assistance of your family attorney.

http://memberofthefamily.net/registry/ok.htm

 

[SlammerG_89]

Im not going to speak from a legal or social standpoint but my mother busted her ass for me and my brother so I will make sure she lives out the rest of her days happy.

Damn Straight 100000X over. Same for my Dad. They busted their asses so I could have a decent life growing up and go to college. My mom got hurt on the job and is pretty much paralyzed now (still gets denied her rightful ss while scum get it for nothing) and I help her out the best I can when dad is at work or something comes up. Whenever they get a little more in age my duties will increase but is a small price to pay for the love, respect, honor and lessons I was taught and given.

 

[Billybob]

I want to apologize to the forum, I started this thread out of somewhat false pretenses.
Please understand I did not mean to troll, I'm dealing with some serious long running family issues related to an elder. I was seeking opinions and input to help me evaluate and judge some things from other than just a biased personal angle without giving details and it lost focus.

Instead of across the board "parent support" how about a more specific question, if a child who is not the parents caretaker wrongly makes a situation for the parent and caretaker that is not in their best interest and then withdraws their promised support and abandons them to it and causes them loss have they harmed their parent?
What if the situation goes wrong should the persons who made it then have any obligation/responsibility?

And to be more specific again I'm not talking "freedom" or independent life but end of life issues.

 

[inactive]

Billybob,

You probably know as well as I do, but to answer the question:

What if the situation goes wrong should the persons who made it then have any obligation/responsibility?

I would think this is handled via a tort claim rather than exploring a precept of children's obligations to their parents. If the act was such that it would not fall under tort negligence (say, bad financial advice offered by a son/daughter), then I think there's not much one can do. In my example, I mean bad advise as opposed to genuinely defrauding someone.

If the person made a decision for care that was legal, but not necessarily a good choice (say, in a substandard nursing home but one that was still legally permitted to operate), then I'm nut sure what recourse there would be.

It's a tough situation to be sure.

 

[Lurker66]

Even well meaning kids make bad decisions. My wifes grandmother has lived with us since 2000. My BIL/SIL took her in before we did. Their heart was in the right place, they have no kids and great jobs. They just couldnt deal with an old person or their needs. So we got her.

My wifes Grandmother is ever so close to needing 24hr watching, something we cant provide. I will say that raising kids is alot easier. With kids each day bring more independence, while careing for the elderly is the complete opposite.

We've made the commitment to let her live out her days in our home but i dont know if thats gonna happen. Id like to think your heart will guide you, but even you could encounter things beyound your control. And hard choices still have to be made.

 

[Billybob]

Billybob,

You probably know as well as I do, but to answer the question:



I would think this is handled via a tort claim rather than exploring a precept of children's obligations to their parents. If the act was such that it would not fall under tort negligence (say, bad financial advice offered by a son/daughter), then I think there's not much one can do. In my example, I mean bad advise as opposed to genuinely defrauding someone.

If the person made a decision for care that was legal, but not necessarily a good choice (say, in a substandard nursing home but one that was still legally permitted to operate), then I'm nut sure what recourse there would be.

It's a tough situation to be sure.

I thought I knew the answer, I thought tort claim also but when I tried to pursue that avenue lack of funds and my mothers condition apparently made the case less than appealing to those I spoke with about it. Or I was just wrong and emotional blackmail and outright lying to someone,(not just bad advice) which causes them financial loss and a lowered quality of life is not fraud.
The "exploring a precept of children's obligations to their parents" is my seeking opinions to help me judge and decide how to deal with those involved because I'm not very objective about the situation since I'm the caretaker.

 

[henschman]

if a child who is not the parents caretaker wrongly makes a situation for the parent and caretaker that is not in their best interest and then withdraws their promised support and abandons them to it and causes them loss have they harmed their parent?
What if the situation goes wrong should the persons who made it then have any obligation/responsibility?

And to be more specific again I'm not talking "freedom" or independent life but end of life issues.

It would depend on how exactly they made the bad situation for the parent... did it amount to forcing them into a situation, or was it just an attendant consequence of a decision the non-custodial child had every right to make? Was it something the parent consented to? If force was used, with no consent, damn right the child violated the parent's rights, and should have to make it right. If no force, it wouldn't be right to force the child to make things right, but it might be a moral obligation. Hard to say without more specifics. As for the promise of support, I would think just a general sense of honor and keeping one's word would require following through with that. It is especially bad if the parents did some things in reliance on that support being there... but I don't think anyone should be forced to make good on a promise to give something in the future, when they didn't actually convey rights to the property yet. But if the child said "I hereby give you x number of dollars for the rest of your life" and the parent says "I accept," that is a transfer of property rights and the child should be forced to relinquish the property if he holds out.

 

[Billybob]

Even well meaning kids make bad decisions. My wifes grandmother has lived with us since 2000. My BIL/SIL took her in before we did. Their heart was in the right place, they have no kids and great jobs. They just couldnt deal with an old person or their needs. So we got her.

My wifes Grandmother is ever so close to needing 24hr watching, something we cant provide. I will say that raising kids is alot easier. With kids each day bring more independence, while careing for the elderly is the complete opposite.

We've made the commitment to let her live out her days in our home but i dont know if thats gonna happen. Id like to think your heart will guide you, but even you could encounter things beyound your control. And hard choices still have to be made.

If it was just "well meaning kids make bad decisions" it would be different, it's beyond that.
I also raised 2 kids by myself so I agree with your comparison.
I've had my mother with me since around 2002, before that I helped keep her independent in her own place for several years. She was kind of in the boonies so when I had to take her car keys and pistols away I took her home with me.
About 3 yrs. ago we were pushed to move and suffered the losses I spoke of, it hit us both hard and caused some issues that still remain.
She's required a lot of attention for about 5 yrs. and pretty much full care and attention for the last 2. She had been on home health care but was dropped and certified for hospice about 3 wks. ago, not for any actual health issue but because she's just fading away slowly.
I do realize that some things are beyond our control, I've already had to adjust because of that fact.