There for a while a saying was going around I never hear any more. If a person was looking for someone and they asked "Hey, do you know where so and so is?" The reply would be "If he was up your a** kicking a football you'd know."
HAHAHAHA!Well.....if we're going there....I once heard an old trucker say "show me a man that doesn't eat his wife's kitty kat and jack off his dog and I'll have them both in a week". Thanks to this, my wife stays home but I've lost 3 good dogs over the years.
A few of my all time favorites:
When expressing your concern over having to tangle with someone, physically or verbally. "Man, it's like trying to sandpaper a bobcats butt in a phone booth".
When you're not concerned about someone's request or stated desire. "Yeah, well, people in hell want ice water."
My dad used to say "Dang, he's shaking like a cat shi**ing razor blades."
I was enlisted and in comm in the Air Force. Officers were always looking to you to lay the blame for not being able to do the impossible just to make their little glory plan work. You would go around and around with them trying respectfully explain the part or material simply is not available. Once you were good and exasperated a common question to the officer was "Do you want me to go over in the corner and shi* one for you?" That's about the cleanest military one I can come up with. The rest may get me time in the ban room.
One my wife uses from time to time "F*&k 'em and feed 'em fish heads....
HA HA I say that too along with "f*ck a duck and screw a guinea"
When I was deployed we had an op go not exactly as planned and my LT looks me dead in the face and just says "the old man is going to **** kittens when he hears about this", I have only heard a few people say it since.
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