Funny things said around your house

[TSQUARE]

My wife, to me: Ugghh! I just don't understand why you can't see things MY way!

Yes, her first marriage, so it will take time to train her.

 

[jduff8505]

My friend told me about this conversation with his wife on the phone. He heard his kids in the background say "Ok throw this at my face as hard as you can."

 

[jduff8505]

The other one that is said around our house frequently. "Nobody thinks about zombies until it's too late."

 

[TSQUARE]

My friend told me about this conversation with his wife on the phone. He heard his kids in the background say "Ok throw this at my face as hard as you can."

These are the ones that grow up and say, "Here, hold my beer and watch this."

 

[LightningCrash]

Anyone have something new?

 

[LightningCrash]

"That lady is a mommy"
"Why do you think that?"
"Because she has a big bottom."

 

[TwoForFlinching]

Just refinished a table for my sister, so I asked her 'tell-all' seven year old kid about it.
Me: What'd your mom say about the table?
Nephew: Umm, (nervously) I don't remember
Me: Would a quarter remind you what she said?
Nephew: No, but thirty bucks might jog my memory

 

[AtomicTango]

*Roomate comes out of the bathroom*

"Don't go in there for a while, man. It was like a terrorist attack, there were explosions and screaming."

 

[dcmtex]

From my grandkids both girls and boys ages 11 to 4...when headed to the bathroom for job #2 ..."I've got to drop it like it's hot"... Thanks to their mom and dad.

 

[turkeyrun]

I was remodeling the den. While cutting some compound angles with a coping saw, the saw slipped and scraped my forearm. I continued working. My 4yo daughter comes by and says, 'Daddy your arm is bleeding.'
I smile and say, 'Yes, I was seeing if the saw was sharp.'
She runs to the kitchen and says, 'Mommy, Daddy's not very smart, is he?'