Funny things said around your house

[aviator41]

Not at home, but funny and from my youngest when she was 8

Driving down to galveston to get on a cruise ship, we passed by several dock areas. One of them had a boat that was, well, not sea-worthy anymore.

she perked up and exclaimed "Dad! That boats all sunked up!"

- that terminology is used around the dinner table regularly now.

 

[turkeyrun]

Anyone asking, "Can I write a check?"

I reply, "As long as it isn't hot."

Had a woman reply, "Oh, OK, well I think I have enough cash then."

 

[Cohiba]

I have a ton of nick names for my wife. Sometimes when we're in the grocery store, to get her attention I yell out.

"Hey Punky Brewster, do we need this"? You had to be a kid of the '80's to know the tv show Punkie Brewster.

Lately, I've been calling her Dr.Dre. We'll be at the bar and I say.."Hey Dr. Dre, you ready to go home"?

We were at TLC (plant nursery) a few weeks ago and I called across the room... "Hey,
Dr.Dre, is this the wood mulch you were talking about"?

She now calls me Slim Shady. So in turn, at the grocery store or liquor store she'll call out.
"Hey Slim Shady, is this the cereal you want"? or "Hey Slim Shady, is this the beer or whiskey you want for tonight"?

So...lately pet or nick names.

Punky Brewster
Heifer
Porcupine
Dr.Dre


Her to me:

Slim Shady
Whistle Britches
Mr.Dickel...George Dickel
Bocephus

 

[BadgeBunny]

Anyone asking, "Can I write a check?"

I reply, "As long as it isn't hot."

Had a woman reply, "Oh, OK, well I think I have enough cash then."

Oh. My. LOL WTF is wrong with people?!?!!?

GC's ex-wife used to live right around the corner from us. She saw us driving down 23rd Street one day (she was BEHIND us) and she called him on the phone to tell him that she was gonna tell the lawyers we were stalking her and to stop driving on HER street. We were at Walgreen's one day picking up a prescription and I guess she saw the car there. She called him to tell him that he couldn't use that store ... it was "her" store ...

Several years after that, we went in Walgreen's to get something and at the cash register I wrote a check. GC says, straight-faced as a blue-haired church lady, "You can't write a check here. This is ******'s store. No way that check is gonna go through." The cashier looked at me like I was some kind of felon ... On top of that the machine hesitated ... for a LONG time before it did the printing thingee on the check ... I could have kicked GC's butt!! On our way out of the store the manager followed us out into the parking lot, just watching us ... I'm trying to think if I've been back in there since then and I don't think I have ...

 

[turkeyrun]

Was on a turkey hunt with a buddy one spring. We went into to town on Sunday morning to pick up a few things. His vehicle was using oil, so he had 6 qts of 30W.
He was in front at the checkout counter. The cute, young cashier was flirting with him. I walk up and put my arm around him. Pick up a qt of the oil and say, "Honey, is this enough oil to fry that turkey?" She turned 50 shades of green. He was speechless until we got to the truck.

 

[turkeyrun]

Wife wrote check and dated it 1910, instead 2010. Bank cleared it. I was PO'd, took it to the bank to show manager. Calmly showed him and asked how it happened. He says it was just a mistake and though it wasn't really a problem, the signature was correct but, it probably shouldn't have gone through. Less than a month later, we think she was somehow interrupted while paying bills, she sent in house payment and did not sign the check. The bank cleared it.

I changed banks that day.

 

[turkeyrun]

I have a 'problem' with good natured agitation of waitresses, much to wife's chagrin.

We were out one night and I had laid some cash on the ticket. The Hostess comes by and asks, "Can I take care of this for you?"
I grab the cash and stuff it in my shirt pocket and say, "Yes Ma'am, Thank you, that's all the money I got."
She is speechless.

We were at a Mexican Food place. The waitress brings out the sopapillas and asks, "Would you like some honey?'
I say, "Yes Dear but what about my wife?"
She turned 50 shades of red.

 

[TwoForFlinching]

I was teasing my seven year old nephew today about his assrank shoes (they seriously stink). I said "How can you not smell that?!", he replied "I don't smell bad smells"... I asked "And why can't you smell bad smells?", he said "I share a bathroom with my mom, I'm used to it."

 

[okla1911]

Me while standing on later painting a bedroom in my folks house, my dad a retired engineer....

Son, you might want to angle your brush a few more degrees to the right.

Thanks Dad, I'll take that under advisement.

Well I just trying to be helpful, is there anything I can do?

Go stand in the living room.

 

[turkeyrun]

A couple months after my Dad retired, nephew (10) comes running through, suddenly stopped and asks, "So Papa, how do you like being on life support?"