I prefer the Springfield, as I prefer the trigger over the Sigma (not just the weight, but the shape and feel), and the grip safety. Others like the Smith, as it is made in the USA and not Croatia. Whole host of reasons to prefer either of of those over the other.
But in all reality, you and your wife need to determine which one is better for you (collectively and/or individually), ergonomically.
I like the Beretta fine, but find it a bit large and heavy for my needs (your needs and requirements may well be different).
As far as caliber, I wouldn't shy away from 9mm or 40 due to recoil. I have a .40 as I like the ballistics, but that's me. I perceive a difference in recoil, but personally feel anyone who can control a 9mm can train to use the 40. Of course, if you like the 9mm for recoil or capacity of cost reason, go for it. Either caliber would work fine for a fighting pistol.
They make different models/calibers because we all have preferences, right? This is like asking us what type of woman would be best for you; who are we know and judge?!
But in all reality, you and your wife need to determine which one is better for you (collectively and/or individually), ergonomically.
I like the Beretta fine, but find it a bit large and heavy for my needs (your needs and requirements may well be different).
As far as caliber, I wouldn't shy away from 9mm or 40 due to recoil. I have a .40 as I like the ballistics, but that's me. I perceive a difference in recoil, but personally feel anyone who can control a 9mm can train to use the 40. Of course, if you like the 9mm for recoil or capacity of cost reason, go for it. Either caliber would work fine for a fighting pistol.
They make different models/calibers because we all have preferences, right? This is like asking us what type of woman would be best for you; who are we know and judge?!