Honestly if my son was ever involved in anything like that, I would feel like a complete failure as a parent.
If he felt the need to associate with a group of misfits who's only common ground involves doing dope, smoking while pregnant, parading around nude with no self respect, and having nothing to offer society with their future other than hot fries and VD, then I have definitely failed somewhere along the way.
After watching that video, all I could think about is how all of those parents just gave up.. If any of those people with their mentality and outlooks ever became a doctor, I would
rather die of illness than malpractice and a "woop woop" greeting.
Honestly if my son was ever involved in anything like that, I would feel like a complete failure as a parent.
Easy to say that but if you have done almost everything you can do with a kid and they still fckup, then you dont just give up on em and call yourself a failure and blame your self. Its not your fault, especially if you have done everything possible to right a wrong in the kid. Its all on them. Theyre the ones fcked up, not you. You cant just beat em into being a good kid. You have to try to re-shape them, motivate them, build them back up and it takes time, patience, and in some cases, money. I know, we're there right now.
Our oldest was the golden child- never got any trouble out of her. Straight A grades, active in church with her mom, worked part time in HS and still graduated with honors, etc. Right now shes gone seeing the country while working for the government in the Americorps program before she starts college next year to get a little space before starting another round of school.
The other kid at home. 15, and right now doesnt give a fck about anything but sitting in his room and reading and listening to death metal and stuff like ICP. He's now 6' x 200lbs and not the little 4' 9" 90lb kid I met when I started dating his mom. The almost entire 9 years Ive been with his mom he has been a pretty good kid. The last year though he has started being a little testy. She had him in counseling several times. He has had almost everything he owns taken away from him for something fcked up he did and he can literally just sit in an almost bare room and stare at a wall and not be bothered by it. He's in the 9th grade now and flunking math and science. He had made good grades in most everything 1st-8th grades. Super smart kid but now he's just decided that he doesnt want to turn in his work, thus getting zeroes, and now he's flunking 2 subjects. His mom is in daily contact with all of his teachers via EMail and monitors his school work and then works with him at night when she comes home. All last summer we speng time together on the computer taking early course work, I spent time with him lifting weights, put him with a boxing coach, he got his black belt at his martial arts school, we made plans to find him a used Mustang to work on for when/if he gets a job to helppay for it as well as his license (he's not driving either of my 2 Mustangs), and he really seemed pumped about mid high then highschool and maybe playing basketball in highschool and college, the kid is probably gonna top out at about 6 4" or so. But now he doesnt even resemble the same kid. His new friends this year at school are IMO the loser crowd- Goth kids, stoners, the ICP lovin freaks, etc. His mom just enrolled him in an after school learning center in BA and she took the money for it out of his college money ($7k) to help him with his math and science problems and other learning problems he suddenly has developed. He has to put in 180 hours of it 2 hours at a time from now all thru the summer. If he doesnt take it serious and make it work for him then he wont be able to pass the new HS graduation requirements just passed by our state legislature. His mom is a busy corporate offiicer so me being self employed I am the one who is always home when he gets off the bus, he is not allowed to go hang out with his deadbeat friends after school. Going down to the park with the neighbors kid, who is a good kid, to play basketball is allowed cause I can go over and check on him, so he isnt a prisoner in his own home or not allowed to socialize. He just isnt allowed to go hang out with people we dont know or not know where he is. It has come to that. Hopefully he pulls out of this 'phase' and changes before next year and high school.
Being a tattoo artist and pro touring guitarist in metal bands the last 20 years, Ive pretty much come to know alot of different types of people and have seen just about everything. The black clothes wearing people dont bother me- hell, thats me, I wear all black myself most of the time, especially in winter. And I know people who are into the 'scenes' too from being in the tattooing and metal world: Pagans, Vampyres, you name it. Real practicing pagans too, not wannabe Goths. Myself, my daily dress is totally the dressed down bum or Wino look. I wear what my wife calls my 'prison issue' look. Shave my head, Im tattooed over 70% of my body, multi pierced, long plain white or black Ts, baseball caps turned around backasswards or beanies, long board or khaki shorts with white socks pulled up, Dickies work shirts, canvas hopsack slipon loafers or Vans slipons, etc. If anyone was going to be judged by their outsides it would definitely be me- and I have been judged by my outsides since I was in high school, so I know how a person can be judged by their 'cover'. I was in that 'stoner and surfer' crowd in highschool in San Diego. And my dad was a cop.Have you tried to get to know his friends? With kids, you can't judge a book by it's cover. If his friends are ditching school, burning cats, or doing other destructive behaviors then yes, they probably are and will always be losers. But if all they're doing is wearing makeup and black t-shirts, then you might want to give them a chance. I did witness first-hand how a perfectly nice, normal, healthy dude was looked down at by those who misunderstood him simply because he wore clothes different from everyone else.
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