Kids and rock concerts...

[nofearfactor]

I got comped tickets to the Ozzy concert tonight/last night at the BOK from a music industry contact friend of mine but couldnt go so my kid and a friend went and then they were to meet some other friends there. The other kid his mom took them there and then they were supposed to have arranged riding home with the other kids who are from our neighborhood. He's 14. He just now called from WaffleHouse to say that they were only a few miles from home,safe,and were eating before coming home. They had just been out 'riding around'. His momma thankfully went to bed at 10p and I promised her on my life before he left earlier in the evening that her baby would get home safe.

My wife came from a classic sheltered childhood with strict Christian parents who were there all the time and then my upbringing was just the opposite- wide open with a single father who stayed at his body shop working late into the night drinking beer with friends and was basically an almost never home father. The 3 of me and my sibs basically took care of ourselves. I grew up in San Diego and went to alot of rock concerts at 14. Alot of times in LA. The wife not one until she turned 20.

Being a rock musician myself Im gone alot and I feel guilty being gone so much so when Im home I end up spoiling the kids. Im constantly straddling the fence between being the 'cool' father,and a friend. I dont want to be a hypocrite but I think maybe tonight it went a little far for a 14 yr old from out here in suburbia to have come home at 4am when the concert was over hours ago. I know theyre bored being home from school almost 2 weeks,but Im feeling like maybe I got punked and used cause he knows I wont tell his mom. I should probably bust him with his mom tomorrow,then she gets to be the bad guy. What to do?

 

[SiGArmed]

Guess it depends. If I thought my kid was just out riding around till 4, I probably wouldnt worry about it since it was a one time thing.

As opposed to my kid riding around till 4am every weekend, or every chance they got out, and doing cocaine off of a happy meal box. Then I would have a problem.

Guess it depends how much you trust your kid, and how responsible they generally are.

He prob. could have called a little earlier. But it's hard to "check in" when all your buddies are around.

That's me though.

 

[Biggsly]

I would be mad, if I did not know up front. You and your wife sound alot like mine and myself. I raised myself. I went to my first concert at 14. I went to Hays Kansas to see Night Ranger and Foreigner with friends from school. I also moved out at 16, so I would not recommend it. My wife's parents never let her go anywhere. I was comped some tickets to see Crossfade about 6 or 7 years ago, from a friend that was touring with them. It was her first concert. I took my kids to see Ozzy, but I don't think I could have let my 14 year old go alone. Its not that I don't trust my son, but I know how peer pressure is, and I do not trust the people around my son at concerts. Thats just my 2 cents.

 

[Cinaet]

Tell him you know you got punked and you won't let it happen again. Leave mom out of it this time. What's done is done and it won't help anything to bring her into it now. You can't be a 'best friend' to a 14 year old. That will come later. You have to be a father for a few more years. Loving a kid has nothing to do with letting them go to rock concerts.

 

[SiGArmed]

I guess the question would be did he know he was supposed to call?

Did he know he had to be home by a certain hour?

It's a kid. A boy. I wouldnt leave anything "implied".

 

[bettingpython]

Yeah concert was over at 10:30. I'd bust him for the sheer stupidity of not checking in. Especially if he has a cell phone.

 

[Shoot Summ]

Bust him, he needs to know that crap doesn't fly with you.

 

[h8ns8n]

ummm "riding around" was always what i was doing when i got into trouble.....probably because i wasnt only "riding around"

 

[Gunrunner45]

nofearfactor,

I grew up similar to you, except it was a single Mom who raised me. Same story no structure and very few rules, I came & went as I pleased.

With that said I beat the odds. Many of my so called friends of the time did not. Most are either dead or have done jail time. What saved me was the military.

With that said, kids have plenty of "friends". What they need from you is a father. Sometimes that means your not the good guy. As parents we know that what our kids want & what is in their best interest is 2 very different things.

Set limits and stick to them. Be consistent. Before he ever left he should have known when he was suppose to be home and what the consequences would be if he was late. Then stick to it.


I probably would not have let my 14 year old find his own transportation. I might have allowed him to go with his friends but he would have been dropped off & pickup by an adult.

Just my .02

 

[snipes]

"riding around" at 4 in the morn on Tulsa's slicked up streets is not a good idea.
when I was 14 "riding around" was code for getting high.
there is an 11pm curfew for kids under 18.
just saying.