Kids and rock concerts...

[Shoot Summ]

I can tell you from experience, nip this before it happens again. You need to decide if "nipping" includes momma or not, it really isn't fair or right to her to not tell her though, you can help temper her though.

The kid stepped over the line, make it so he wont do it again, because he will if you dont.

 

[Progun223]

He's just a Rock-N-Roll rebel.

 

[Lurkerinthewoods]

There is not a chance in hell I would have allowed my 14yr old son to go to a concert without knowing from the other parents who were supposedly bringing my kid home. And not a double chance in hell my kid would be riding home with a bunch of teenagers without an adult present after the concert. Don't know if that was the case but you weren't very clear on who was driving your boy home..

Just hope your boy doesn't bring a "present" home in 9 months..

 

[Norsican]

Not judging here, just my opinion.

If you aren't going to bust him on it that is your call, but I would certainly let him know that it will not happen again.

Also, I would most certainly let the wife in on it with the understanding that you've taken care of it and what's being done. If this gets out to her without you being the one to tell her she may get suspicious of you and you don't want her crawling all over you every time you step out of the door.


The cool father/friend thing is lost on me. I'm not here to be my kid's buddy - My mandate is to raise them in a manner where they will be a contributing member of society, to think for themselves, to instill in them ethical behaviors and teach them to work hard and reap it's rewards. If I'm uncool in that process, well, society can thank me later. (Also, I am much more appreciative and think more fondly of those figures in my life who taught me things and kept me in line over those who were "cool.")


The point of all this is simple:

You know your kid better than any of us and if you think letting this one slide is a good thing for your kid there isn't a dang thing any of us can do about it but realize there is a takeaway with everything you teach your children. Expectations will be set and giving them ammo without teaching them to shoot is a bad thing. ( see what I did there?)

 

[bettingpython]

I wouldn't have allowed my 14 year old to go unsupervised. I was at the concert and watched the cops pull 1/2 a dozen people out of the area we we're sitting. 4 of them got busted for smoking pot and 2 for general stupidity, way too much to drink.

Nothing good goes on in tulsa after midnight and as had been mentioned they were breaking the law.

 

[RidgeHunter]

Mitch: Hi, mom.
Mitch's mom: Hmm. Okay Mitchell. This is your one get out of jail free card. So I hope you enjoyed it. Your sister told me everything so I've decided to make this deal with you. I'm, well I'm going to be open minded about it this time but next time you come in at sunrise, we've got problems.

Eating at Waffle House in the wee hours of the morning? Kid had to be drunk or stoned. Kidding. That does seem to be pushin' it a bit for a 14 year old. You know him, nobody here does. When was he supposed to be back? When was he supposed to call? Was he sober? Were his buddies?

If you don't think anything too turrible happened, maybe informing him you let him go out conditionally. If he breaks the conditions again, it's over. Sounds pretty reasonable to me.

 

[nofearfactor]

Well,he did get grounded (by me) and he knows why,and gladly he's ok with it as he knows why and isnt mad at me for doing what I should do as a parent. We had a good talk before they went to bed. I didnt tell my wife this morning before she left for work and I probably should have,but she is so strict with him that he most likely would be grounded from everything for quite a while. So this will be our little secret,unless his sister decides to rat us out. I took away his XBox for the weekend(death to a kid) and Im not taking him down to our farm to ride motobikes and shoot today or tomorrow.

I do take alot of the blame though. He happened to catch me while I was out in my shop working late on a order for a customer to ship out Friday and I lost track of the time he was gone until about 2a and realized he wasnt back yet or hadnt called on the landline. I screwed up also by not wanting to be 'that parent' by calling and bugging my kid at 2am in front of his friends. (I did go in the house to find my cell when I realized it wasnt in my pocket to see if he had called it. I looked at my cell and sure enough I did get texts here and there saying all was ok,but my cell was in the house, on vibrate. Another screwup of mine. It should have been in my pocket like it usually is. He figured I got the texts and all was cool. He only called the landline at 3:30a because he hadnt heard back from me yet. The ringer in the wifes bedroom we turn off so she isnt bothered while sleeping). Yaa,the curfew I know about but I figured with all of the concert hoopla that it would be ok. If I would have got a call on the landline right after the concert (he has a cellphone) like he should have done telling someone what they were going to be doing afterwards then it all might have been ok.

Their ride home was pre planned here at the house by the kid bringing them home afterwards,an 18 yr old neighbor and a former boyfriend of my daughters who is straightedge and a pretty good kid,but the kid he picked to go with him his momma is really strict and she had to be the one to drop them off and they lied to her about the ride home,etc,as he was spending the night here after the show. I feel bad about that but shes more strict than my wife and his friend never gets to do anything without momma being right there. My wife would surely have killed me and him too if she knew how he got home and when.

He is a good kid though and works hard at school and with his athletics. I guess I just wanted to let him have a little freedom. The wife keeps such a tight grip on him most of the time. At 14 the kid is almost 6' tall,190lbs or so,lifts weights,has a black belt in his martial arts since he was 10, and is now working with a boxing coach. Hes no match for a gun or a knife but the kid has street smarts and can handle hisself if he had to so I figured he would be ok out with older teens. And he gladly isnt like I was at all at his age. I was a street rat growing up in San Diego at his age. if I wasnt playing the guitar in bands I was at the beach surfing or skateboarding and was usually always out at all hours. And not making the best decisions(smoking,alcohol,vandalism,etc).

Still. He did play me on my friendship with him. Im only his stepfather but I did adopt him when he was 10. His father was a friend of mine who died when he was really young so Ive been the one male figure to be there for him since Ive been with his mother- more than half of his life. She is the one who usually tells him what he can and cant do,and doles out his punishments because with my work and other business stuff I am gone alot. The concert without parental supervision has now become a onetime thing. Until he gets a little older. If it had gone well there would have been more freedoms later. I just felt since they had been cooped up the last 2 weeks with no school and the weather he deserved a little freedom. I figured wrong.

In hindsight I should have put business on hold and gone with him and most likely with my contacts I could have got them backstage for at least a meetngreet. I just had a deadline to get an order ready to shipout today and couldnt. (I build custom guitar rack rigs and a touring guitarist was waiting on me to ship his rig so he can get to work). Ive taken him to alot of shows. The last show I took him too was Slipknot when they were in town their last tour. Ive known them since the old days back in Des Moines way before they got big. My co guitarist and our old singer in my band were original Slipknot members. We got to go to the radio meetngreet and then see the show from the backstage area while hanging out with them. Same as when The Crystal Method or some other acts come to town that might have old friends in the bands that I know.

Anyways. Lessons were learned. This parent thing is on the job training with me. Especially with a boy. I have daughters but they all live with their mothers in other states and while I see them as much as I can and fly them here as much as we can its still not 24-7 parenting like I am doing with the 2 here. My stepdaughter is 18 and about to graduate and she was easy,she almost raised herself and never gave us any trouble at all. Shes leaving after graduation to spend a year with the Peace Corps or something like that before she goes to college. But with a boy I guess I have my job cut out for me the next 4 years.

Thanx for all of the parenting tips. I'm gonna need em it looks like.

 

[fire65]

If you lose control now it will be hard to regain as he gets older.

 

[cowboydoc]

I have a 12 year old son, so what you are going through is just around the corner for me.

No excuse for not texting or a quick call to let you know what was going on. Even if he doesn't have a cell phone, or it wasn't charged, or it fell in the toilet, whatever - that many teenagers together somebody has a cell phone that is working.

Teenagers will test and push the limits. You weren't clear in your post what time he was expected home, but obviously 4am is way past reasonable. If there are not consequences then he just learned what he can get away with. If this was a first offense and he is otherwise a good kid maybe just a sit down and explain clearly that this is not acceptable and what your expectations are (call or text after concert, time expected home, etc). If this is a progression of a pattern then something more serious may be in order.

Do not keep your wife in the dark on this. She will find out eventually, best if it comes from you or even better your son. If you handle it - explain to her what happened and what you are doing to keep it from happening again - then she will be more likely to trust you. If you keep it from here, again she will find out eventually, then you have just lost her trust. You and your wife need to be united on discipline or kids will use it against you.

I know what I was like at 14 and what my parents were like. If I had pulled something like that there would have been hell to pay.

 

[Teeeroy]

My fear is that my kids will do a fraction of the stuff I did growing up. I consider myself so lucky that I made it through my younger years unscathed. I had a lot of freedom growing up, but honestly, that put me into some situations that most kids should not be in. I'll spare you the specifics, but I was going to concerts at an early age also.

My wife was like yours - brought up in a much more restricted environment. Her upbringing has definitely influenced her parenting style and has made our kids (I believe) to be very well-behaved boys. And I'm grateful for that.

My 10 year old asked me yesterday, 'Dad...how old will we have to be before you'll let us watch movies with cuss words?'

I told him, 'Not for awhile.' I explained to him that, despite he and his brother 'missing out' on some movies that their mother and I feel inappropriate for their age, they've turned out to be pretty good kids. There's no rush, as far as I'm concerned. There will be plenty of trashy content out there as they get older. They'll catch up in a flash.

I don't have to try to be a friend to my boys. It happens naturally by sharing experiences and common interests (especially anything gun-related). But they also have no doubt who brings the hammer down. I don't hesitate to punish them when it's warranted.

As far as your particular situation, I would definitely tell the wife. My wife has busted me on a couple of occasions when I told my kid, 'Don't tell your mom I said that.' It just becomes a big mess if it comes to light. Lesson learned for me.