Need advice between a rock and a hard spot

[Dr. HK]

Good information. I will surely share this with my mom

You Can help him. AA

Under No uncertain terms lay down the Law, No Drinking , 90 meetings in 90 days, get a Sponsor and follow theyre advice.

No money , No rides , he can walk to a job or find a bus.

If hes in construction, a Lot of people stay in Motels. There are No excuses. Period

He will find All the help he needs from AA , thats what They Do.

Remember its Not about morals , being a Bad person ,being lazy (maybe a little) he has an Addiction, an Illness that once diagnosed can be put in remission.

Tough Love , set him down and look him in the eyes and tell him The Rules (above) no BS , no excuses.

You can go to a couple meetings with him ,if you want to /have time.

Mom and S/Dad should contact AlAnon, you'll find them from the AA meetings.

Simple not Easy....

This is the best way to Help him . So set a time and Start helping , If you want .





. just my experience

 

[SgtMojo67]

How long ago where the DUI arrest? If they were years ago it will take another arrest for DUI to get court ordered help unless he is on probation. Unfortunately he needs some tough love. Let him sit in jail......My dad is an alcoholic. I've dealt with it my whole life. When I was a kid, it was drugs and alcohol. I remember my dad and his friends snorting cocaine on the kitchen table. Weird how it seemed normal. Anyhow, he won't get help unless HE wants it. Even if the judge orders it, HE still has to want it or he will not show up to classes and such. I see it all the time with my job. Best of luck sir.

 

[SgtMojo67]

If you ever watch the show Intervention, there are also places where your mother can go to get counseling for being an enabler. Maybe she could watch some of the shows so she can see what she is doing and how she is contributing....just a thought.

 

[TedKennedy]

Let him hit bottom. I was in his shoes 22 years ago. Some folks get it, some don't. It's a tough world, and his misery will only be spread to those who try to help him.

 

[BadgeBunny]

I've got nothing that hasn't already been said. You and your family are all in my prayers.

 

[okietom]

Most families have members with problems like yours. The best way for your brother to become responsible is for him to become responsible. No bail after an arrest. I would get the car out of impound before I would get him out. I have a brother that has been through similar things. If he does go to jail you should visit. He needs to know that his problems are the result of his own actions. When he learns that different actions will keep him free he will change.

I have a nephew that is finally starting to learn. He has three children. One is 16 years old and was born when my nephew was 15. My nephew is a binge drinker that won't keep a job. We are raising his 5 year old son. He has a job as a cook in a restaurant for six months now. It is the longest he has kept a job in the last six years. He is trying to get court costs paid for his AB charges against the little boys mom. Him and her drink and fight and he goes to jail. When he gets out they are drinking together again. They have a four year old girl that his parents are taking care of. He has no Dl and no car. We have even let him live with us some. I know it is enabling but I would give a lot of people a spot on the floor to sleep and share food with them. That is the limit of my enabling.

Your Mom needs to at least put a limit on her enabling. Jail is a safe place for someone that drinks and drives. He can't kill himself or some one else.

 

[Dr. HK]

His first DUI was around 3-4 years ago. His last was 6 months to a year ago. He is on probation. This is partly why he doesnt have a licence. It is a perpetual problem, here in OK if you do not have a licence and a car it is really hard to hold down a job unless you love right next to where you work.

 

[Dr. HK]

Also how do you get a car out of tow? It is in my brother's name, and he was in jail. How can my mom get the car out of tow if it is not in her name?

 

[deli_llama]

Not to be a dick, but he could have stayed in Jail and had 3 squares a day and a roof overhead. It is a tough situation, and I know it is hard on you. Take solace in the fact that he is choosing his own fate by the decisions he is making, and once he hits rock bottom, he will start making a change. I think you just walk up to a halfway house, or a homeless shelter and stand in line waiting for availability. I am sorry for the family strife, and wish you the best.

 

[Shootin 4 Fun]

Oh man, your brother has put you in a bad spot. I could tell you a horror story that starts out just like this and ended tragically almost one year ago. Follow your mind and ignore your heart. Your brother is the ONLY person that can change the direction he is headed.