Thinking Before You Speak...

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KillShot

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Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak.

Have you ever spoken and wished as soon as the words were
out of your mouth, that you hadn't?

Here are a few testimonials of people who did.


FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a ********?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.



SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes,

I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.

He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls"



THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.

As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day, my sister has never let me forget..



FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.

I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's willy last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.



FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at McDonalds for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my burger, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".

I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ?

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their food laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!



LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan in America laughing for 2 days

And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?!

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
 

nobuttbrian

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I'm guilty of that myself. One night my ex and I were watching TV and Raquel Welch was on. My ex said that she hoped she looked that good when she was that age and without thinking and immediately I said "he'll, you don't look that good now"(doh!)
 

KillShot

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I'm guilty of that myself. One night my ex and I were watching TV and Raquel Welch was on. My ex said that she hoped she looked that good when she was that age and without thinking and immediately I said "he'll, you don't look that good now"(doh!)

LMAO! HA HA HA HA!!

I have a bad habit of saying what's on my mind when I should keep my thoughts to myself. For example, when I was married to my ex-wife, she mentioned that she really liked her Mazda MX-6 compact car. Without hesitation I said "Yeah...well, you should know that you looked like a f*ckin elephant riding a tricycle." Realizing what I had just said, I couldn't help laughing myself to tears.

She didn't think it was funny. LoL
 

druryj

In Remembrance / Dec 27 2021
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I'm guilty of that myself. One night my ex and I were watching TV and Raquel Welch was on. My ex said that she hoped she looked that good when she was that age and without thinking and immediately I said "he'll, you don't look that good now"(doh!)


And you are maybe wondering why she is your ex now? Here's your sign...
 

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