Yeah, we have had several married women here than made good friends with dudes and I know a few who have gone shooting/lunch/classifieds deals without SOs present. Like I say, it's not an age political or religious thing or anything you can pinpoint. I'm often surprised by who sees it as a big deal and who doesn't. Liberal atheists have given me WAY more **** than religious conservatives about this.
Yeah, we have had several married women here than made good friends with dudes and I know a few who have gone shooting/lunch/classifieds deals without SOs present. Like I say, it's not an age political or religious thing or anything you can pinpoint. I'm often surprised by who sees it as a big deal and who doesn't. Liberal atheists have given me WAY more **** than religious conservatives about this.
Yes, haven't I accepted responsibility for my immaturity 3 times now and said I need to work on it?
And not to namedrop rhodesbe again, but I didn't go on a tantrum to his response, and he has a different opinion than me. My tantrums were solely in response to people who went on an "I am never wrong, here is what will happen to you, you are an idiot" tangent. Not that that excuses my tantrums.
"My wife and I don't have opposite-sex friends because..." is something I can respect.
"You shouldn't have opposite-sex friends because _____ WILL happen..., you dumbazz!" makes me want to verbally throw down. Like I say, I gotta learn not to respond to annoying cocky opinions with my own annoying cocky opinions.
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Cocky people who think their way is the ONLY way get my ire up. When I was 18 every adult in my life told me to start applying for credit cards to "build credit". They were SURE I would NEVER buy a house without doing that. Some were really aggressive about it "I have (20-60) years on you and I know what the hell I'm talking about. I bought a house by 19. Never had a credit card.
You learn a lot with age, but not everything, and you mostly learn about your own life. I learn more about how to manage my own life every year. I haven't learned much about anyone else's. I would never butt into their life with my condescending "advice". I started this thread because strangers, friends, and family members have made it a point to take a pulpit over me on this - some have been downright insulting with no provocation or solicitation. I respond in kind. My next goal is to stop responding in kind. I need to stick to "the best revenge is living well" theory. I'll need to slowly prove people wrong year by year rather than bicker with them. Some of them are in a slow breakup as I type this. RodSnell's "consider the source" hits home.
But yeah, I like it when people like AllOut say "let me get this straight, you're flawed/you behaved badly?" Of course. Have I ever claimed otherwise? I'm just a person whose intended objective discussions sometimes get muddled by life experiences and emotion, just like the people I argue with. I don't think I'm any better in that arena.
You learn a lot with age, but not everything, and you mostly learn about your own life. I learn more about how to manage my own life every year. I haven't learned much about anyone else's. I would never butt into their life with my condescending "advice". I started this thread because strangers, friends, and family members have made it a point to take a pulpit over me on this - some have been downright insulting with no provocation or solicitation. I respond in kind. My next goal is to stop responding in kind. I need to stick to "the best revenge is living well" theory. I'll need to slowly prove people wrong year by year rather than bicker with them. Some of them are in a slow breakup as I type this. RodSnell's "consider the source" hits home.
But yeah, I like it when people like AllOut say "let me get this straight, you're flawed/you behaved badly?" Of course. Have I ever claimed otherwise? I'm just a person whose intended objective discussions sometimes get muddled by life experiences and emotion, just like the people I argue with. I don't think I'm any better in that arena.
That's all you can do. I wasn't trying to shoot you down or insult you so to say, just give an outside look from what you've said so far. As far as what has been said in this thread and coming here, you can't come looking for outside input, and NOT expect the results you've had so far. Lots of folks with different strokes, and many aren't particularly good at being objective when giving their input. Reason's like that is why you have to be cautious of who or where you seek outside input. Opinions aren't object. Advice (should be) is from the right source.
As far as saying you are "never" anything, be cautious with that, because when someone thinks they are never anything, they generally are that more than not, and just turned a blind eye to it. That's a free life lesson for you that took me a while to learn -- about myself and most people. Introspection is a powerful tool when used correctly, and truly objectively.
The real question you should ask yourself, is why it matter's to you a stranger's perception of a situation you are in? 15 years ago I used to worry what people thought, but then I realized the only people's opinion's that matter are the people that are actually apart of my life, and the people that I choose to be apart of my life understand me to some degree, so things like this would never be in question. No one can make everyone happy, and what matter's in the end is being happy with the people around you, not Joe Blow.
Live. Learn. Grow. Be happy.
It doesn't matter, and I know that even if my actions say otherwise.
I don't get upset because I feel insulted or offended at the comments I got that spurred this thread. The reason I get upset is jealousy. I get jealous when people whose lifestyles I don't agree with, yet would never say anything mean about, get to walk right up to me and do that. I don't get to do that. I'm not that big of a jerk.
I'm the guy if I see a friend/family member in a bad relationship with an objectively bad partner, and the shittalk starts, I go "Well yeah, but maybe there is more to them than we know. Maybe they're happy. Let's not assume to much. We don't know everything about them." I would never go up without being asked and start doling out insulting advice. I really don't care enough to. Do what you want in your own life, just shut the hell up about mine.
I feel burned when people I've done that for walk right up and preach at me. Even though I should be a thousand times more secure, the urge to say "Heah, well, I know you jerks are fighting all the time and you're about to get a divorce. Have fun with that, *******! Tell me how that knowing everything thing works out for ya! I'm going camping; have fun throwing stones in your glass house!"
I'm a petty person sometimes. If crap starts being flung, I immediately want to pop a squat and fill my hand. Like I say, gimme ten years on that. I don't care what other people think. I care that they get to so rude without provocation. Verbal revenge is a crutch of mine. I want it. Probably the thing I want to change most about myself - and I am getting better.
It's human nature. As soon as people feel they are being attacked, they either shut down, or fight back, verbal, physically, mentally... Choosing my battles is what I try to focus on anymore. I still have a long way to go, especially with my marriage.
I'm actually getting a lot better at this in my real life than it may seem by my internet typing. I no longer associate with people I used to have the urge to fight with. I've whittled down my friends and family to a solid few and I'm pretty damn happy for a periodically depression-addled dude. Going strong for a good while now.
If I'm typing on OSA, I'm always smiling and at least trying to be funny. I use hyperbole a lot. "Old lady" and "bang" and "bitches" in my OP is me being goofy/flippant. I never come here for annoying but light-hearted discussions, even if they are about heavy topics. Sometimes threads here teach me things - some smart cats on OSA. However, sometimes I know people read it as me being angry or emotional, but the people here who know me in person know I talk like a hyberbolic d-list stand-up rant comedian and I wear a constant smile. So many of my posts are flippant and taken too seriously.
I'm not deeply angry IRL or anything. My summer/year is going awesome. My real life has very few people that are a source of stress for me left in it, and the rest are fading out slowly. People on the internet do not affect me emotonally. I find it weird if that acutally happpens and that people imply it. Aside from those of you I know IRL, you are numbers and letters and avatars to me. I just assume I'm that to you.
I mean this:
Is clearly not the quote of a man who takes life very seriously, or at least i thought it was clear. I was just driving to boring KS alone for work yesterday and thinking "hey, bet this would make a guaranteed 8 page thread on OSA". Bwahaha.
I don't think anyone on here was putting you down Ridge, at least it didn't appear that way to me. Most definitely not like you stated your friends did. And no I don't believe your friends are right in the way they reacted towards you about it.
Looked to me like you asked for input here and you got it. Some input come with explanations or stories. Most of us who don't share the same opinion as yours simply stated that it's typically not the case. Again, opinion typically based off life lessons.
If you can have a friendship with this chick, sleep in the same bed alone and naked with each other and neither of you ever have an indecent thought. That's awesome Dude! You've struck gold with an amazing friendship. More power to you...
Looked to me like you asked for input here and you got it. Some input come with explanations or stories. Most of us who don't share the same opinion as yours simply stated that it's typically not the case. Again, opinion typically based off life lessons.
If you can have a friendship with this chick, sleep in the same bed alone and naked with each other and neither of you ever have an indecent thought. That's awesome Dude! You've struck gold with an amazing friendship. More power to you...
I have indecent thoughts all the time. I just don't always act on them.
A fine engineer at work cold be explaining her calcs to me and I might wanna say "Gotdamn woman, that ass is killin' me!" or "Wanna go grab a drink after you get off?" but instead I say "Thanks a lot! Shoot me an email when you get them finalized and the material order is placed!"
Then I go home and sleep with my girlfriend.
A chick I dated for a brief time texted me before moving out of the country to ask if I wanted to come over and "hang out" one last time. I replied "kinda seeing someone seriously now, good luck on the move!" and she replied "Oh good for you! Thanks!"
None of it seems hard to me. I've had much bigger struggles. Some parking spaces my car will get ticketed in. Luckily other/better parking is available for free.
A fine engineer at work cold be explaining her calcs to me and I might wanna say "Gotdamn woman, that ass is killin' me!" or "Wanna go grab a drink after you get off?" but instead I say "Thanks a lot! Shoot me an email when you get them finalized and the material order is placed!"
Then I go home and sleep with my girlfriend.
A chick I dated for a brief time texted me before moving out of the country to ask if I wanted to come over and "hang out" one last time. I replied "kinda seeing someone seriously now, good luck on the move!" and she replied "Oh good for you! Thanks!"
None of it seems hard to me. I've had much bigger struggles. Some parking spaces my car will get ticketed in. Luckily other/better parking is available for free.
Maybe not.the same since they were my friend's wives and not my friend directly, but when I've had friends and coworkers deployed I've done plenty of things for thier wives without EVER even thinking one sexual thought. It's called respect. If you can only think of women as sexual object or potential sexual objects, you really need a change in perspective.
