Dark Humor Thread

[SoonerP226]

What was the baby harp seal’s last mistake?
He walked into a bar and ordered a Canadian Club on the rocks.

 

[Fyrtwuck]

I remember in the Joseph Wambaugh book The Choirboys, Rosco Rues was a he-man cop in LA. He was at an accident scene one rainy night and was waiting on a particular car to drive by rubbernekkin. He would teach them. It had to be a woman with out-of-state plates so they are most likely not to report him. Just then, the perfect car drives up and the out-of-state woman driver rolls down the window, "Anybody hurt?"

Rosco holds up a severed head by the bloody hair and said, "This one got banged up a bit."

The screams from the car faded as fast as the car accelerated away.

Brings back memories.

I was part of a crew that responded to a fatality single car accident north of Jones about forty years ago that killed a teenage girl on prom night. We had extricated the victim and laid her on the roadway and covered her with a sheet and was waiting on the ME to arrive. This nosey teenager sneaked his way into the scene and walked up to me and asked if anyone was hurt. I shined my flashlight on the sheet covered body and said and “what do you think?”

Then I shined the light back toward him. His face turned pale, said nothing, turned and walked off.

 

[Glocktogo]

It's not exactly dark, but in another lifetime I sold cop gear. One of the items I sold was tactical carriers for body armor. Cops would come in and ask about them and what features they had. I'd explain how to use and maintain them and what all the various pouches were for, except the large square one on the back.

Invariably they'd ask what that pouch was for, and I'd deadpan reply "Sandwiches. You don't want to get stuck on an armed and barricaded standoff for several hours without a sandwich, do you?"