I need your thoughts and prayers to help me cope...

[shooterdave]

Guys and gals, sometimes things happen that just completely and totally blindside you. A couple days ago, my wife of 15 years decided she no longer wanted the title. I was, and still am, completely shocked. All my life I have been looking for that person that I could tell anything to, be completely comfortable with, accept unconditionally, and have the same in return. Someone that was fun to be with, attractive, smart, funny, and appreciative of those feelings in return. I truly thought that she was it. I still believed that a week ago. I still believe it today. My whole being is intertwined with this woman and our beautiful, intelligent 7 yr old boy. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know how I should feel. All I know is, my life seems to have ground to a halt. I can't hardly eat, I refuse to get drunk, and sleep is a distant memory. I'm not looking for answers, just some thoughts on how to deal with this and how I can tell my son. It's going to break his little heart into a million pieces. How do I tell him that his daddy isnt going to be there to put him to bed every night? How do I make him understand that it isn't my idea when I'm the one that will be loading all my stuff and leaving our home? I'm just so sad... I ask the lord for some guidance, but I haven't found it, yet. Please give me some ideas. Tell me it will get better with time. I just don't know.

 

[druryj]

Brother, here I sit unable to sleep and I just gotta jump in and brace you up a little it looks like. I have been in your shoes...when she left me, she left a hole in my life that was hard to get out of. It was hard as hell. It DOES get better; what you are feeling is normal - hang in there, stay rational, and be that kids Dad!

 

[458 SOCOM]

Dave,

First let me say, I am very sorry.

I to have lost a spouse of several years to divorce. It does get better, even to the point that your motivated to show the other person I can Move on with my life even though you rejected me, another person has found me perfect.

Many people are going to tell you how you should feel at various points of this journey, they mean well, however you will know what is best for you.

Keeping busy with work or hobbies is a great way to keep from dwelling, but the mind is a memory bank full of experiences. One day while driving down the road something about her will pop into your mind, don't get angry, just part of it.

Now the tough one, hate me all you want after I say it, your soon to be ex will start seeing other people if she isn't already. When your out an about an you see her with another guy you are going to blow your cool. This is pride screwing with your mind. Lay the pride down, be the bigger person. See the big picture.

So take one day at a time, crawl before you walk, walk before you run, and run from her memory a fast as you can.

My story did have a bitter sweet ending. I eventually do remarry. A wonderful woman who would show me loyalty and would always back my play no matter what, even if I was wrong.
Unfortunately my wife passed away from a massive stroke.
So I am dealing with a different kind if loss this go around.

So keep your chin up kiddo, keep your gloves up and protect yourself at all times and when the bell rings come out fighting!

 

[shooterdave]

458, thanks, bro. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you happen upon another person to share you life with. I know that it is inevitable that she will or has found another. As long as they aren't mean to my boy, I can deal with it. In time, I'll find someone who appreciates me again, too. Just not real high on the list of priorities, right now. I am embarrassed that I didn't see it coming, and terrified that I'll crush my little ones heart. He is such a good kid and is truly a caring, gentle soul. I hate that he is going to be subjected to this...

 

[aeropb]

Not all is lost. You could win custody. I know a person who has. Don't give up!

 

[shooterdave]

We will do this amiably. Joint custody. We both know how these things work from friends going through it. Small town and we both know all the judges and lawyers. The details won't be the problem, just dealing with it. Regardless of how this plays out, I'll do what I can to shield my boy from as much heartache as possible. He is the one thing that truly matters.

 

[okiebertt]

Sorry to hear that. I've been thru it before, it will get better. Focus on your boy, he's the important one. Always be a factor in his life. Wives are replaceable. And do the things you like to do, don't hang around the house dwelling on it. Good luck man.

 

[bigchuck83]

From someone who as a child had to deal with my parents divorce all i can say is make sure your son knows it isn't his fault and do your best to help him understand things.
I feel for ya and wish you the best i know it is a crappy situation.

 

[AKguy1985]

I am sorry to hear that.

 

[cvrx4]

Dave,

First off I love ya bro and I dont even know ya. I would be devestated if my wife left me as I cant imagine my life any other way. That being said I am a child of a very nasty divorce. You have your mind in the right place with your thoughts on your boy. I will say a prayer for you. It might take some time but your child will learn and understand. Just do all you can to keep it amicable (at least in the eyes of your child) dont lie to him and tell him the truth. Time will heal and reveal all PRAYERS SENT!!!!!! You ever want to come to the city, you and your boy have an open invite.