I need your thoughts and prayers to help me cope...

[bettingpython]

Someone has already said this but I'll reinforce it. Do not give up. If there is even a small spark of love for you in her heart and their probably is if she has been with you for 15 years there is a chance. I had no clue there was anything wrong and the next thing I know my wife is with another man. You have to be able to forgive anything and everything. But first you really gotta look deep inside yourself and find out what's really wrong that would cause her to leave. Then you have to want to change, not for her, not for your kid but for yourself. And if you do change there is a small chance that she will see those changes and decide to try fixing whats broken between you.

I'm 35 pounds lighter, I quit smoking, run 3 miles 3 times a week now and though I don't go to church I do believe in god now and pray.

For the holiday season I got a second chance with my wife. God really does work in strange ways. If you and your wife don't reconcile then it wasn't part of gods plan. I was alone barely long enough to be able to say this but yes as others have said it will get better. No booze, no women, and no laying around. It's okay to mourn the loss but you need to fill your life with purpose. Take cars of yourself.

 

[shooterdave]

Dave, If you need help with any of your classes. I can try to help if I can. To me teaching is theraputic but if you feel you cannot go through with a class I will either come to your place, if I am free that weekend, or you can send them up to me. Have them pay you first, if they dont we can meet up and I will give you the fee for each student you send to me.


Sorry to hear of your situation. Call me if I can help.

Stephen, thanks for the offer! As you said, teaching is therapeutic. I truly like helping people and it's great to see the progress from scared to confident. I'm hoping to not miss any, but who knows. I will sure send them your direction if I cannot fulfill my obligations. Again, thx

 

[shooterdave]

FWIW, I've read every post on here, carefully. I'm pretty sure this is the first thread that I have been a part of that I didn't have anything to offer. I always like being the guy that everyone turn to for help, advice, assistance, etc. I think that why I volunteer as a fireman, search and rescue, reserve deputy, firearms instructor, etc. I'm beginning to see that I'm helping everyone but those that matter first. I think it is time to reevaluate and start being more available for her. I do think that I can do much better. I also think that we can be friends, again. I can't believe that I have let her get away from me. Complacency. I constantly teach my students against this but have not listened to my own advise. It's about time.

I am going to fight for this relationship. For me, for her, and most importantly, for my son. I am confident that there is enough feelings in her heart to give me that opportunity. Obviously, it is going to take both us pulling on the same rope to do this. I'm willing to basically start from the beginning and rediscover each other. Truthfully, I'm looking forward to it. We have been in a rut for awhile. Time to rekindle. I hope the lord gives me the strength to do this slowly, as it will be required. Thx, guys...thx, gals...

 

[Lotahp1]

Sorry to hear. I feel your pain. It's one thing to know its coming. It's another to be blindsided. Been there. Prayers sent for you and your son. It does get better.

 

[bettingpython]

FWIW, I've read every post on here, carefully. I'm pretty sure this is the first thread that I have been a part of that I didn't have anything to offer. I always like being the guy that everyone turn to for help, advice, assistance, etc. I think that why I volunteer as a fireman, search and rescue, reserve deputy, firearms instructor, etc. I'm beginning to see that I'm helping everyone but those that matter first. I think it is time to reevaluate and start being more available for her. I do think that I can do much better. I also think that we can be friends, again. I can't believe that I have let her get away from me. Complacency. I constantly teach my students against this but have not listened to my own advise. It's about time.

I am going to fight for this relationship. For me, for her, and most importantly, for my son. I am confident that there is enough feelings in her heart to give me that opportunity. Obviously, it is going to take both us pulling on the same rope to do this. I'm willing to basically start from the beginning and rediscover each other. Truthfully, I'm looking forward to it. We have been in a rut for awhile. Time to rekindle. I hope the lord gives me the strength to do this slowly, as it will be required. Thx, guys...thx, gals...

If she'll get on board you're on the right track, theres a book called divorce proofing your marriage, it's worth reading for both of you, buy it used on amazon I paid 4 bucks including shipping for 2 copies of it. Even if insurance doesn't cover it find a marriage therapist. Pay that price I know 80 to 150 bucks every 2 weeks is hard but they help if you're both willing to be 100% honest and talk.

 

[alank2]

Hi,

I'm praying for you and your family shooterdave. I'm not sure how much I can offer for help or ideas, but I agree with the posts that say do not give up or be defeated if this isn't what you want. If you think there is a chance at saving things put your energy and prayer into it. Since you mention that you were blindsided, I take that as you are completely happy with things and didn't realize that she wasn't. Find out *where* she isn't feeling loved and make changes to meet it. I recently read a book called The 5 Love Languages that brings up the idea that everyone doesn't feel loved in the same way. For some people getting positive words is how they feel loved, for other people it is acts of service, etc. Someone could be spinning their wheels doing one thing for their spouse that the spouse might appreciate, but it still doesn't make them feel loved like a different thing might. I admit that this concept has been simplified in this book, but he has some good ideas. I think it is $6 at amazon for reading on your PC.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Take care,

Alan

 

[TurboFinger]

don't "pack up your stuff" and move out. i'm not sure why guys always think this is what they should do.

she is leaving you, therefore make certain that is what happens. if she's already made up her mind and wants out, show her the door.

if you leave, you have abandoned the marriage. make sure she is the one doing that.

 

[Neanderthal]

You can have my sister. Problem solved and you're welcome.

 

[shooterdave]

well, due to circumstances, if anyone leaves it will be me. Its complicated, but that is the only way it could go, trust me. right now, were just maintaining. not real friendly, but not too bad. We are not staying in the same room, but thats fine, for now. i hope that we continue to talk a little bit every night. Im going to be gone over the weekend and go from there. thx, all.

 

[shooterdave]

Neanderthal, is she good with kids?? lol