Dark Humor Thread

[Snattlerake]

The “Ouch” tattoo.

One of the prisoners we had in the jail was a white male about 35 years old with very rough facial features as if he had lived a hard life. He had long hair past his shoulders and tattoos all over. After he had finished his one armed pushups in his cell, I noticed one tattoo in particular over what looked like a big scar on the guy’s rock hard abdomen. It was the word “OUCH!” with an arrow pointing to the scar. I asked him what it was and he said laughing, “I was a punk kid in Wichita and got pulled over by the cops. I pointed a gun at em and they shot me with a shotgun. I was in the hospital for 7 months then spent 8 years in prison. I got the tat in prison.”

 

[Fyrtwuck]

I was at the station one day and my mother called and asked if I had responded to a heart attack call at her favorite bingo hall. My shift had not, but after checking the station log book, one of the other shifts did.

It seems that they had responded to a full arrest and an elderly lady was transported by ambulance to the hospital. They worked the code and pronounced her in the ER. She was then transported to the M.E.’s office for autopsy.

She was waiting her turn for autopsy and woke up in the morgue.

The next day there was a sign posted near the window at the snack bar.

“MICROWAVE OVEN IN USE”

Apparently she was close enough to the snack bar that the microwave had interrupted the signal to her pacemaker.

 

[Firpo]

 

[Fyrtwuck]

One of the other threads reminded me of an incident not long before I retired.

It was near the end of my day and I was sitting at an intersection waiting for the light to change. A Mexican food truck came through the intersection in front of me and hit a small dip. The truck bounced a little and live coals from a BBQ grill mounted on the rear hit the ground in front of me and bounced up with a shower of embers.

I flipped on the red lights and followed him over the exchange bridge and he finally looked in the mirror and stopped. He was getting ready to pull into the driveway leading to the propane company to get his tanks refilled. When he opened the side door on his truck he also had a five gallon gas can with an open spout sitting inside the front passenger area.

I called my Chief and she came to the scene and couldn’t believe someone could be that stupid. I told her that, that was why I had called her.

We had a talk with him about the possible consequences if he’d made it near the propane dock with a live BBQ on the back of his truck.

I wrote a few tickets and he had to extinguish his BBQ and hand carry his tanks to be refilled from the street to the refill exchange.

 

[turkeyrun]

Working nights in refinery, about 3 am alarm goes off. I had a trainee with me, I told him to drive the breathing air truck.

We pull up on scene, he parks and is leaning on the steering wheel, watching the firefighters scramble.

We star laughing when an operator is on the ground, moving forward, spraying a garden hose at the fire on the 4th floor.

I tell Mark to look towards his left shoulder. He slowly turns. Looking at the bullet end of a 5000 gal propane tank.

He ducks his head, slowly rolls up the door window of the truck and sets back, "whew, that could have been bad."