This whole trip is about being selfish, you can't find yourself without being selfish
Wow, what BB said above, Condolences to your wife are in order now as that is just a mystifying statement to me.
A person truly "finds" themselves many different ways but to be selfish is not one of them. To be selfish with those you love and care about is to me not an option, and is more evil than unspeakable acts of violence enacted upon random strangers.